The Duke

A little misty today with the news that Duke Snider moved on to the perpetual Hall of Fame. When we were young grade school Beaver Cleavers with our mitt slung over our bat, gathering up all the neighborhood guys for a sandlot game, it was the Duke, and Mickey and Willie who captured our imaginations.



And as it proved out over the course of his entire life, he was a role model and a great example of how the athlete of yesteryear conducted themselves. Contrast him with today's self-absorbed, underperforming, overpaid TMZ celebrity type egojocks - no, don't; it is too depressing. Guys like the Duke don't come around too often and that is too bad for baseball fans and for our country. As the Duke was yanking them out of Ebbets Field with great regularity, our post war nation was humming along with a sound economy, job growth, a sense of fair play and hard work, and a sense of community.



No, this wasn't all because of the Duke, but it probably was because most people tried to live their lives like the Duke played baseball - with pride, commitment, perseverance, good humor and a respect for teammates and opponents.



Now we are facing public employee strikes, football lockouts, budget deficits all over the country, and a national malaise that doesn't seem to be improving. Too bad there's not a Duke to lead us out of this. Well maybe he's somewhere in the minors hoping for a cup of coffee with the big team. Let's all hope he gets invited to spring training and can stick with the club. Come on Duke, talk to the owner about this.

BBFN - Fanatticman

i do

So the Catholic Church has approved an app which helps the contrite examine their conscience as preparation for the sacrament of Penance. And the first name they came up with for the app was "A priest in your pocket". No, I am not making this up - then apparently a monsignor chaperone must have come onto the party bus and inflicted a little adult supervision on the young seminarian who thought that was a good name and it was changed.



But it got me thinking about other potential apps for our smartphones with heavenly or divine implications:



For weddings: an app that talks you through a marriage and even asks the big question - call this the "i do" app; there could be an organ playing "here comes the bride", muffled sounds of women sobbing as you walk down the virtual aisle, and a map feature that directs you to Denny's for the reception instead of some Country Club or fancy hotel. That is what I call a smartphone.



For funerals: a menu that allows you to select from numerous eulogies depending on how really sorry you are that the departed is finally gone. For the music you can select from latin dirges to Irish drinking songs and at the graveyard you can pump up the volume and make it sound like the wailing wall, complete with the sound of shovels full of dirt hitting the casket top.



For Mass: remember the old TV mass for shut-ins, the infirm who couldn't get to the church on Sunday, well with this app you can even delete the sermon and the music and create your own drive-thru version for when you are snowed in, or you get a flat tire, or you just can't tear yourself away from the Super Bowl's 5 hour pre-game show. I think this one may become very popular.



Anyway, the cost for the confession app is $1.99. I am hoping this really becomes popular because I am sure that they could easily get $10 for a full confession once people see the potential - no lines, no embarassment and a reduced penance if you buy a 10 pack or more. This should be particularly popular around Lent.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Hob Nob with a Mob?

It's too bad that Anderson Cooper got pummeled yesterday by the thugs in Cairo. But don't you have to ask yourself "What the hell did he expect?"Did he think they were carrying all of those sticks to a birthday party to hit a pinata? These correspondents think they are real cool getting in with the rabble and that because they have a microphone they are somehow immune from the danger. News Flash for journalists: ALL OF THESE PEOPLE HATE AMERICA!!



Did he think that was Peter O'Toole and his buddies riding the camels through the square? Don't journalists remember the images of these guys playing polo with the enemy's head a few years back? STAY AWAY FOOL! These extremists are not like the folks who demonstrate on the streets of DC. They don't have any rules or norms of behavior to be guided by. For God sake John Wayne wouldn't wade into that scene, so what was he trying to prove? And by the way, we really don't need to see all of the ugliness so close up and 24 hours a day. It's just confirmation of their total rejection of the rules of civilized people. And the more air time we provide for them, the longer this will last.



So come on home Anderson, and Katie and Brian and get back in your studios. Who's going to lob all of those softballs to politicos and showbiz types? Let your boy Al Jazeera cover all of the highlights in Cairo: breaking down their own storefronts, destroying their museums and artifacts, setting buildings on fire, and destroying their biggest industry of Tourism.

But don't worry, I'm sure the US will be in there with some kind of aid package when the dust settles. Wonder what Al will say about that? No, I think I know.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Groundhog Day

It is so stupid that it's good. All of those guys dressed up in top hats and acting super officious and reading proclamations and holding this petrified little varmint aloft like it was King Tut's favorite cat - only in America and only in a little town in Pennsylvania that I can't spell.


But you know it's very fortuitous for little Phil that he didn't see his shadow today - because if he did, Bill Murray was hiding out with one of his dynamite charges from Caddyshack ready to make him atomize like an Al Qaeda martyr.


You see we can't tolerate another 6 weeks of winter which would have been the presage with a sunny day. The poor folks in the midwest and northeast got clobbered again today with severe winter weather. And we didn't need anyone or anything, human, animal or mineral, to do or say anything which could prolong this God-awful winter.


So thank you Phil for all of your fine work today. I hope those silly men dropped a few extra field mice down in your hole today after your exhilarating performance this morning. And you'll certainly be as accurate with your prediction as the nerds using superdoppler and salivating on their Men's Wearhouse suits as they start to track the next monster storm building somewhere out in Micronesia.

BBFN - Fanatticman