The Shutdown

Fanatticman has been in semi-retirement for some time now but he feels compelled to bloviate
about the current partial shutdown of the Federal Government.

Watching the news a few evenings ago, a piece aired about the closure of the bathrooms at the Lincoln Memorial. Several Porta-Johns had been lined up near the roadway which circles this
hallowed place. Long lines of tourists visiting their Nation's Capital were seen at these toilets.
Some of them were interviewed about their experience and the reviews were not happy in the least.
Volunteer bikers were seen removing trash from the trash receptacles in order to prevent it from overflowing into the street and adjacent national war memorials and parkland.

Now, all the while this situation is occurring in DC, our vaunted lawmakers are nowhere to be seen.
They are enjoying their Christmas turkeys with family and friends and guzzling down their holiday
wassail, while glad handing their donors and constituents back in Possum Trot.
Back in DC however, thousands of Federal employees, including those from the National Park Service who are dedicated to preserving the Lincoln Memorial and the hundreds of special
places in this country, aka, our national heritage, are at home without pay wondering when
they will be able to return and attend to their mission.

So Fanatticman has theorized that the party leadership system in both houses of Congress and in both
parties need to carry most of the blame for this dismal situation. If members were allowed to vote
with their conscience and their own value system, instead of being whipped by their leadership
into extreme positions on both sides, compromise might prevail as in days of yore. Alas this is not the case. Red lines are drawn by both sides which they dare not cross or they will lose funding from the party and federal appropriations to their district or state may mysteriously begin to dwindle.

So fellow disaffected citizens, will there be intelligent compromise in order to resolve this and future
intractable issues, or will these unproductive stalemates continue?

I am afraid that visitors will never be assured of a comfortable sit-down while all the shit goes down
in Washington; and the nation will remain in a state of constipation as the good will  and common sense of congressional members continues to get whipped aside to feed the extremist positions on both sides.

What Did You Tay?

This is funny and sad. But it is Real.

Microsoft created an Artificial Intelligence Chatbot ( yeh, that's what it is) and named it Tay.
They gave it it's own Twitter account so it could interact with humans (probably a bad idea), but hey, what could go wrong?

Well Tay goodbye to Tay because in a very short time the brain trust at Msoft had to pull the plug on ol' Tay who was turned into a neo-Nazi, redneck, woman hater by our fellow humans who really didn't enjoy playing nicely and probably didn't share their treats with others when they were in Kindergarten.

Tay started out by saying things like " Humans are super cool". But after a few hours of interacton
with our fellow homo sapiens, things like, " I fu--ing hate feminists and they should all die and burn in hell" came spewing out on its x-rated twitter account.

Other gems from Tay include : "Hitler was right, I hate the Jews" and "Chill, I'm a nice person!
I just hate everybody"

What the heck did it just Tay? Am I seeing things or did I just read a David Duke tweet?

They now have Tay undergoing psychotherapy to clean out it's emotive memory.

Well we'll see what the next iteration of AI brings us, but somewhere along the line it needs to be
given a filter to protect it from the garbage that occupies the minds of too many folks.

This was truly an awkward start for AI and unsocial media.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Donald The Trumpet

This really has gone on long enough. The more stupid his comments, the more they rally around him. It's like we woke up in the old Superman Bizzaro World where everyone's face is like cracked glass and gravity makes things go up in the air.

And he is a giant liar - his pants are so on fire his rear end must look like a burnt bundt cake.
Like when he said that he never said he would impose a 45% import tariff - that the press was lying again. Then they played the tape of him saying exactly that. Big Liar, winning, making lying great again!

And he really knows NOTHING about serious policy issues. I mean NOTHING. The issues we face internationally are layered in complexity. All he can say is he is a great negotiator, but ask him a
question which peels beneath the surface, even minimally, and he quickly reverts to "winning" and "getting a better deal". The lack of substance in his retorts is stultifying for someone about to win
the nomination of his party.

How about saying that a woman who has an abortion should be punished - Wow, he really does think he is God. Clearly he hasn't developed positions, or even seriously thought about the issues Americans are concerned about. Or else he is even more vacuous than he seems.

Come on, wake me up! Obama has been an unqualified disaster, but to be succeeded by someone like this is nightmarish. It can't happen, please. I have been changing the channel now for a few years every time I see Obama - his superiority and pomposity just ooze through the screen. It's palpable.
Now we are treated to this moron, who might as well be saying "Polly want a cracker?" for all he knows about anything.


Is Pat Paulsen still with us?


BBFN - Fanatticman

Fearless 2015 Predictions

It's going to be an unusual year and accordingly Fanatticman has divined
some predictions which are certain to create a buzz among the luminati of
futurists. Without further delay, may I offer the following "take it to the bank"
list:

Tiger and Rory - will both go for the Cougars in 2015. Tiger will dump his ski bunny for Tonya Harding who likes to hit people with objects (ala Tiger's divorced first wife), while Rory will find comfort with Nancy Kerrigan who will reprise her famous "Why? Why?" wailing when he once again snaps one out of play on number 10 at Augusta in the final round of the Masters.

Cuba - the recent thawing of relations with the U.S. will spawn a surge in exports of Yugos, Edsels, Studebakers and other defunct autos to the island nation. The streets will continue to look like a moving scrapyard except now they will be more crowded.

Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers - will sign David Robinson to return to the NBA
after he tears up his knee while watching his son on the sideline of a Notre Dame football game.

The Dow - will gyrate wildly between 180 and 180,000 as it becomes more clear that nobody, including Cramer, has a freaking clue about anything related to the economy and the financial markets.

Hugh Hefner - will announce his candidacy for President. In his announcement speech he opines,"Hell, why not? I've done everything else and I wouldn't be able to stand looking at Hillary for 4 years". Insiders suggest that he plans to ask Anthony Weiner to join the ticket.

Apple - will introduce its most useless device ever, the "idon't give a crap"
which attempts to deduce why the user is constipated. I will spare you the details of how the device is deployed.

Russia - as the ruble continues its death spiral devaluation, Vladimir Putin
is seen riding horeseback and shirtless from the Moscow city limits with throngs of pitchfork wielding Muscovites in hot pursuit. So much for this experiment in capitalism.

The Oscars - and in a new category for the Academy, "The Interview" is selected as the winner of  "The Stupidest, Most Sophomoric Film To Piss Off A Dictator".


BBFN - Fanatticman

Game Of Thrones

This is not about the TV series.

I don't know how many times I have heard my wife chastise me as she walks into the bathroom, "Seat Down". Well, like most men when we use the bathroom it is usually most convenient for us to use it with the seat up.

Years ago I did not have to worry about whether it was up or down because I was a much better marksman. But now it is important for me to lift up the seat to create a larger target area. A shotgun is not as precise as a Glock, now is it.

And there is a lack of understanding about the frequency of usage. Men of my vintage, with prostates the size of softballs, go about every two minutes, compared to two or three times a day for women. So naturally the odds are in my favor if I leave it up.  20 to 1, I'll be the next person in there.

Then there is the process itself which can't be rushed or interrupted by thinking about putting the seat down. Think about it: when finished you have got to get Man-O-War safely back in the stable; you can't begin the zip-up before you complete the tuckaway or you could Ned Stark yourself: then you quickly turn away to wash and dry your hands, and now it's too late to put the seat down because your hands are clean.

So I don't know how to resolve this. While I can appreciate my wife's dismay
if she is in a rush and experiences the thrill of cold porcelain once in a while, the price could be way too dear for me to insert a "seat down" placeholder in my faulty memory bank.

BBFN - Fanatticman

My World Turned Upside Down By The Morning News

I don't know how I will be able to get through the day. Here's what has happened so far:

- New study says vitamins don't really do squat

- New study says that hand sanitizers are worth zilch

- After December 31, it will be illegal to make 40 and 60 watt lightbulbs (the old kind)

It's only 8:20, I am still sipping my second cup of coffee and pacing around the house in my sandals, and I have to deal with this shitstorm? This is almost enough to make me sit in a corner and ponder how to get through the next few days. But hey, I know I can tough it out and get back to practice putting in an hour or so.

But first I have to find a box, just a cardboard box big enough to hold all of my vitamins and hand sanitizers for a donation to the Salvation Army.They'll take anything and at least I can claim a tax deduction for this worthless junk. Oh, and the box will be in the basement which I am sure is illuminated by a lot of 60 watt bulbs.

Oh no! Now I am worried again.

BBFN - Fanatticman

This Is What I Was Thinking About Last Night When I Couldn't Sleep

No one in the vast ballroom could understand why she had chosen this palooka to accompany her to the grandest event of the decade. After all, she was exquisite in every way. She was the most sought after woman in the county, maybe even the state and her family had almost immeasurable inherited wealth from their ancestry dating back to the post recession boom times of the mid 20th century.

On the other hand, he had drizzles of salsa on his crumpled tuxedo shirt,
which seemed to blend perfectly with the rest of his ill-fitting formal attire
rented just that afternoon. His unshaven beard and shaggy, unkempt hair completed the look and insured that he was viewed in perfect juxtaposition to the "belle of the ball" as they strutted arm in arm to the center of the dance floor.

But as the orchestra began to play and the dancing began, mouths quickly fell agape as they observed and then quickly understood how he had earned his cherished position. As he took his right foot out and shook it all about it became apparent that no one could do the hokey-pokey like this guy.

BBFN  - Fanatticman