Game Of Thrones

This is not about the TV series.

I don't know how many times I have heard my wife chastise me as she walks into the bathroom, "Seat Down". Well, like most men when we use the bathroom it is usually most convenient for us to use it with the seat up.

Years ago I did not have to worry about whether it was up or down because I was a much better marksman. But now it is important for me to lift up the seat to create a larger target area. A shotgun is not as precise as a Glock, now is it.

And there is a lack of understanding about the frequency of usage. Men of my vintage, with prostates the size of softballs, go about every two minutes, compared to two or three times a day for women. So naturally the odds are in my favor if I leave it up.  20 to 1, I'll be the next person in there.

Then there is the process itself which can't be rushed or interrupted by thinking about putting the seat down. Think about it: when finished you have got to get Man-O-War safely back in the stable; you can't begin the zip-up before you complete the tuckaway or you could Ned Stark yourself: then you quickly turn away to wash and dry your hands, and now it's too late to put the seat down because your hands are clean.

So I don't know how to resolve this. While I can appreciate my wife's dismay
if she is in a rush and experiences the thrill of cold porcelain once in a while, the price could be way too dear for me to insert a "seat down" placeholder in my faulty memory bank.

BBFN - Fanatticman

My World Turned Upside Down By The Morning News

I don't know how I will be able to get through the day. Here's what has happened so far:

- New study says vitamins don't really do squat

- New study says that hand sanitizers are worth zilch

- After December 31, it will be illegal to make 40 and 60 watt lightbulbs (the old kind)

It's only 8:20, I am still sipping my second cup of coffee and pacing around the house in my sandals, and I have to deal with this shitstorm? This is almost enough to make me sit in a corner and ponder how to get through the next few days. But hey, I know I can tough it out and get back to practice putting in an hour or so.

But first I have to find a box, just a cardboard box big enough to hold all of my vitamins and hand sanitizers for a donation to the Salvation Army.They'll take anything and at least I can claim a tax deduction for this worthless junk. Oh, and the box will be in the basement which I am sure is illuminated by a lot of 60 watt bulbs.

Oh no! Now I am worried again.

BBFN - Fanatticman

This Is What I Was Thinking About Last Night When I Couldn't Sleep

No one in the vast ballroom could understand why she had chosen this palooka to accompany her to the grandest event of the decade. After all, she was exquisite in every way. She was the most sought after woman in the county, maybe even the state and her family had almost immeasurable inherited wealth from their ancestry dating back to the post recession boom times of the mid 20th century.

On the other hand, he had drizzles of salsa on his crumpled tuxedo shirt,
which seemed to blend perfectly with the rest of his ill-fitting formal attire
rented just that afternoon. His unshaven beard and shaggy, unkempt hair completed the look and insured that he was viewed in perfect juxtaposition to the "belle of the ball" as they strutted arm in arm to the center of the dance floor.

But as the orchestra began to play and the dancing began, mouths quickly fell agape as they observed and then quickly understood how he had earned his cherished position. As he took his right foot out and shook it all about it became apparent that no one could do the hokey-pokey like this guy.

BBFN  - Fanatticman