Sleeping on Air

Okay, file this in the Vince Lombardi "What the hell is going on out there?" category, but there has been an epidemic of air traffic controllers, and I use that term with some skepticism, falling asleep in the control towers. What does this make you want to do with all of those frequent flier miles you've been racking up? Trade them in for an upgrade on a rental car? Upgrade to a veranda on your next cruise?
How about anything except taking another flight with Sleepy from the seven dwarfs guiding your flying sardine can into a major metropolitan airport.

Yes, that's right, the guys who are charged with safeguarding the lives of thousands of air travelers every day are testing out their new tempurpedics in the freakin' tower. And the FAA hasn't fired anybody, despite numerous instances of this happening all over the country. I guess they are just going to load these clowns up with Vivarin and No-dose and ask them to wash it down with a little Red Bull and that will be that. Hell,they even let the First Lady's plane get too close to another jet just last week. One report even had a guy leaving the tower and napping out in his car!! I wonder what a pilot thinks when he contacts the tower for landing instructions and nobody answers -"oh yeah, Fred's on tonight, he said to try him on his cell phone and let it ring a few times?"

Listen guys, WAKE UP, drink more Starbuck's, take a leak on the floor in the tower if you have to, but don't take your eyes off that little screen -it's not a damn playstation.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Throw Tommy a Tissue

In a previous post, "Don't Let It Go To Your Head", Tom Brady was excoriated for his effeminate hair styling and questionable antics not befitting a Super Bowl quarterback. Now, playing on ESPN every 15 minutes, you can see Tom blubbering about not getting drafted until the sixth round. What the hell is he going to do next, dry his tears with his Fabio hair? I don't know where Giselle has been taking this guy in the offseason, but if he doesn't turn things around, we'll be watching him on the Ru Paul show. Talk about getting in touch with your feminine side - this guy is taking it to a whole new level. I hear he'll be doing makeup infomercials with Cindy Crawford to introduce his new line of designer eyeblack. Then there will be the new high heel football cleats he will introduce as part of his fall collection. Following that there will be Tom Brady shoulder pads - no it's not what you think, it's to puff up the shoulders on his new line of NFL Team blouses.


Tommy, they are running a lot of ads for a drug to combat a condition called Low T (testosterone). Buy yourself a truckload and get back in the game. As Don Carleone once growled to Fredo, it's time for you to "act like a man".


BBFN - Fanatticman

The Weekend Wrap

Phil: If he can hit his big stick like he did over the weekend in Houston, he should win at Augusta. My bet, though, is that he wreaks havoc with nesting pairs all through the Georgia pines and ends up with more pine needles in his pants than than a promiscuous high school girl after a Friday night homecoming game.


Stacey Lewis: how can someone that petite hit a golf ball that far? Great win for this little smurfette in an LPGA major. Makes me want to get some estrogen shots. Great story, made even greater by all of the physical hardships and surgery she has endured due her her spinal condition.


UCONN: nice to see my boy Geno walk away in defeat - now he will finally have a reason to be surly. Go back to your house, lock yourself in your room, and don't come out until you have completed a Dale Carnegie self-improvement course and have convinced yourself that you are not John Wooden. Now, if only that slimey Calhoun can lose to Butler tonight, justice will be served. He's one of those guys who has been skating by the NCAA because he is who he is and not because he runs a clean program. Things are starting to smell around his gymnasium, and its not sweaty Nikes. Do us all a favor, lose the game and then get out.


BBFN - Fanatticman

An Azarenking In My Ears

I was remoting through the channels the other night going from an NBA game to the Golf Channel(surprise), when I heard something on ESPN 2 that was somewhat other wordly - a sound that was so eerie that I had to stop and tune in for a second. At first I thought it was a Tsunami warning siren and that there would be pictures of giant waves rolling in on some poor Pacific Island coastline. Then I thought momentarily that I must have hit on Animal Planet and caught the sound of a screech owl having an orgasm. But no, alas it was only a women's tennis tournament and the persistent wailing was coming from a player who emitted this tortuous yelp every time she made contact with the ball. It was awful I tell you and I am surprised that the learned among the fans at the match weren't sitting there wearing their BOSE headphones. How could anyone put up with this for hours at a time. Her poor opponent, Kim Clijsters, one of the best in the world was so flummoxed that she went up to the referee and asked for some relief. Although the exchange between Ms Clijsters and the ref was not audible, I did a little lip reading and I am certain that this is what she said: "If you don't make that banshee jam a Midas down her piehole, I'm outta here". No relief was granted and Ms. Clijsters was retired and quickly referred to an audiologist to make sure there was no permanent damage.

As to the perpetrator, one Victoria Azarenka, she has her future career all lined up after her playing days are over. They are going to stick her in a church steeple in a small town in Belarus and let her clear the square in case of a civil emergency. The owls will be thrilled too.

BBFN - Fanatticman