An Azarenking In My Ears

I was remoting through the channels the other night going from an NBA game to the Golf Channel(surprise), when I heard something on ESPN 2 that was somewhat other wordly - a sound that was so eerie that I had to stop and tune in for a second. At first I thought it was a Tsunami warning siren and that there would be pictures of giant waves rolling in on some poor Pacific Island coastline. Then I thought momentarily that I must have hit on Animal Planet and caught the sound of a screech owl having an orgasm. But no, alas it was only a women's tennis tournament and the persistent wailing was coming from a player who emitted this tortuous yelp every time she made contact with the ball. It was awful I tell you and I am surprised that the learned among the fans at the match weren't sitting there wearing their BOSE headphones. How could anyone put up with this for hours at a time. Her poor opponent, Kim Clijsters, one of the best in the world was so flummoxed that she went up to the referee and asked for some relief. Although the exchange between Ms Clijsters and the ref was not audible, I did a little lip reading and I am certain that this is what she said: "If you don't make that banshee jam a Midas down her piehole, I'm outta here". No relief was granted and Ms. Clijsters was retired and quickly referred to an audiologist to make sure there was no permanent damage.

As to the perpetrator, one Victoria Azarenka, she has her future career all lined up after her playing days are over. They are going to stick her in a church steeple in a small town in Belarus and let her clear the square in case of a civil emergency. The owls will be thrilled too.

BBFN - Fanatticman