Lost in Space

I am still miffed about the decision a bunch of nerdy guys made several years ago to do away with Pluto - and I am not talking about Mickey Mouse's dog. I mean the planet, or ex-planet at this point.




You know we were all happy knowing about our little solar system and our nice little planets with familiar names. Everything was right and all these chunks of cosmic minerals knew their place. But no - not good enough for some guys - they decided that our old friend Pluto wasn't significant enough to be a planet so they delisted it. You mean that's all it takes to change the solar system as we knew it - to change something so ingrained into our society? This was intellectual snobbery and when it happened everybody just stood by and it was done with nary a whimper. Where was the outrage? Heck if this can happen what's next, changing the calendar of the Zodiac? Well don't look now but our passive acceptance of dropping Pluto from the planetary roster has led to another outrage - I used to be a Sagitarrius until 2 days ago when they made me an Ophiuchus ?? These guys have to be stopped. Next they wil be telling us that Zeus doesn't live on Mt. Olympus or that leap year was a charade.




I think I am going to organize a resistance movement to push back against all of these assaults to our time honored and well known societal conventions. And I am going to start next Garfday - no it's not a typo -it's the new day of the week they shoved in there between Wednesday and Thursday. You'll get used to it.


BBFN - Fanatticman

Say What?

Have you ever stopped to think about some of the sayings we use in our everyday discourse. Since I have so little on my mind, I have thought about it and I need help trying to figure a few of them out.

How about this one: " Catch as catch can?" HUH? I guess it means do whatever you can do. But who, in God's name, is this guy catch? How can I catch as he does if I don't know what he's up to? Does he use an outfielder's glove or Under Armour gloves like a wide receiver? Who came up with this and does it make any sense?

And this one: "Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth". Well if he's a normal person he must be chewing the hell out of his butter and not waiting for the stuff to melt anyway, or else he would have a big mouthful of butter carried over for many meals. Who cares if it wouldn't melt - my butter's gone with my mashed potatoes in a heartbeat.

And " Six of one, half-dozen of another". For our math challenged brethren this is troublesome. First, they dont know how many in a dozen and secondly, they have to move to both hands to count to six - it's replete with obstacles, exceedingly wordy and awkward to say. Why not say, "five of one and four plus one of another" ? See, it's stupid. And I am saying this with butter melting in my mouth.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Pre-Game Punishment

I won't comment much on the National Championship game last night between Auburn and Oregon except to say it was a let down. Yea, it was close but the teams were not at full tilt because of a 37 day break between games. Some of the young men were seniors at the end of the season and came back with PHD's to play in this game - I mean a few guys had to touch up their hair with Just for Men because their temples were turning grey waiting for the kick-off.

And if that weren't bad enough, there was a three hour pre-game show featuring some of the lamest commentary possible. Poor Lee Corso (who everybody loves) kept calling Auburn Arizona. And Desmond Howard kept calling the offense the defense and vice-versa. He clearly would not win the Heisman for sports commentary. Then there were the glib coaches, each trying to outdo each other. Having Nick Saban as an analyst for three hours is like sitting in the Atlanta airport during a blizzard.

And I hope that Auburn gets a lot of joy out of this for the next two years because they will probably be vacating the championship, as will Newton his Heisman in a few years ala Reggie Bush/USC. That is unless Cam's dad decides to sell the trophy in the interim.


BBFN - Fanatticman

Being Seated

Last night we went to a restaurant, early in the evening, as is our custom and so the place wasn't that busy. So they take us to our table, a booth against the wall, and stick us into the only available spot left in that section. My question is: how about spreading us out a little bit instead of jamming the 20-30 patrons in there like it was the last subway car on the way to the ballgame? The rest of the place was absolutely vacant.



If they would spread you out you could talk in relative privacy so that the other people around the place wouldn't hear you making fun of them. No - they insist on jamming you in there right next to the loud kid with mashed potatoes on his face and the greatgrandmother who insists on sending every part of her meal back because it's not done right. It's almost like they are load testing the building to see if it will tip over by piling everybody up on the same side.



And they hardly ever ask you where you would like to be seated - they just make you march over there penguin style and stick you in the gap. The rest of the place is wide open, cavernous, the Ponderosa for God sake, so it defies logic, as well as the likely preference of their patrons to congeal them together like they always do. My wife thinks it's because it's easier on the wait staff that way, but heck, who is the server and who is the servee? Can't they walk an extra 10 steps once in a while?



So since this is a new year I am going to be more assertive and ask for wilderness seating when I notice that it's available. The chef has probably sneezed in my chowder already, but I don't need all the additional airborne delights that come with subway seating at dinner time.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Sole Survivor

This deal with the quirky Jets footbal coach, Rex Ryan, and his wife and feet and videotape is really different. It's not only different, it's icky. Now big, affable Rex got his team into the playoffs, but you know there must be some snide remarks quietly circulating in that locker room and amidst the Jets organization. I hear the locker room attendant has been sticking some extra Dr. Scholl's in the coach's locker as a gag. And this old story about coaches staying up all night to prepare by watching "football" films has taken on a whole new meaning.





You really don't expect this out of a guy like Rex who has been around these giant, tough football players his whole adult life. You can see someone like, John Clayton perhaps, from ESPN, hanging out at the foot of a bed with a camera on his shoulder - you know, sort of fits the exterior of the guy - but big Rex, wow, just doesn't seem to go with the rest of the package. As Vince Lombardi said in that memorable quote, "What the hell's going on out there?"




But if ol' Rex can get this thing in gear during the playoffs, perhaps the media will lighten up on him. Though he will have to get his team to play like there's no toe-morrow. (sorry -it was too easy). I know all the Jets fans are hoping heel get it done. (can't help myself)


BBFN - Fanatticman

Left Lane Blockers

Why do people insist on blocking the left lane when they, and everybody else driving on the road, would be much happier if they drove in the right lane so faster cars can pass on the left - What is so complicated about this?



I know that I am not a traffic enginer, but I am fairly certain that they started to build second lanes to accommodate increased traffic flow and to LET PEOPLE PASS ON THE LEFT!! Does it make them happy to see people with smoke coming out of their ears when they look in the rearview mirror? Do they get a perverse sense of satisfaction knowing that they can back up traffic for miles with this simple, selfish act while simultaneously turning the average mild mannered guy into Goofy, of the old Disney cartoon. You know the one where he turns into a devil with horns and a demonic demeanor when he gets behind the wheel. Well he must have been behind one of these left lane blockers - they could make a nun throw the IQ salute at them with their oblivious and inconsiderate behavior.




And with the increasing number of aggressive drivers on the road today, they maybe should fear for their lives hanging out in the fast lane. These morons don't care if they run you off the road, so why would the lane blocking crowd want to supercharge these mindless idiots by hanging out there looking for trouble? Just get over, get home safely, and practice hugging the right side of the hallway when you're walking around your home. Just get in the habit of moseying along on the right for when you get back in your car. Bumping into a few coffee tables or knocking over a vase is a lot better than being splattered against the left jersey barrier by a maniac the next time you decide to become a one man blockade.

BBFN - Fanatticman

The New Year

What's ahead in 2011? My guesses follow:




Tiger gets back in the winner's circle and starts dating Miley Cyrus




Ian Poulter appears on "What Not To Wear"





Brett Favre becomes the spokesman for the Canon Rebel camera





Vladimir Putin joins the WWF





Willie and Kate begin a new reality show, " Survivor Britannia"




Joe Paterno signs a new deal through 3011





Tom Coughlin's head finally explodes when Eli throws 17 interceptions in the Giants opener





Emmit Smith gets arrested for impersonating an announcer




The Phillies lure Sandy Koufax out of retirement to be their 5th starter






Bill O'Reilly changes the name of his show from "The Factor" to the "O Dog Joint"

Stephen Hawking's assertion of the existence of black holes is confirmed with the publication of the 2011 U. S. Government Budget

BBFN - Fanatticman