WHEN:
1) The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom sat together and enjoyed each other's company
2) There was so much dancing that most people never saw a piece of wedding cake
3) Variations on the dance floor included sitting on the floor and rowing with an air paddle from place to place, and carrying a
grown man on your shoulders
4) Women shed their stylish high heels for sandals provided for full throttle dance moves
5) An uncle offers to ante up so that the party can continue for another hour
6) The bar bill gets alarmingly close to the food bill
7) Everyone rides to the reception and back to the hotel in a bus
8) 60 year olds decide to party on with the younger folks at a bar in the early morning hours
9) Alka Seltzer is provided in the guests' gift bags
10) Everyone gets home without being hospitalized
Congratulations again Lora and Joe.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Two Recent Annoying Things
The Guinness ad where they show a guy in a kilt bending over and inadvertently flashing his hopefully clad man zone to two flummoxed guys is so overplayed that I want to boycott St. Patrick's Day. Come on, it's funny the first time but gets stupid after seeing it every 10 minutes. Stop it now !
How about the Orlando Magic? In an effort to keep Dwight Howard (who has done nothing but bitch in his entire pro career), they have told baby Howard that he can decide whether to keep the GM and Coach after the season if he signs a contract extension. HUH? This is unbelievable.
I had a great round of golf today,and I come home to this junk? Where is the universal consideration for my likes and dislikes? Why do I have to turn on the TV and be exposed to this garbage? Is it a conspiracy?
I only wish I had the power to decide the fate of my last boss. I better stop there.
BBFN - Fanatticman
How about the Orlando Magic? In an effort to keep Dwight Howard (who has done nothing but bitch in his entire pro career), they have told baby Howard that he can decide whether to keep the GM and Coach after the season if he signs a contract extension. HUH? This is unbelievable.
I had a great round of golf today,and I come home to this junk? Where is the universal consideration for my likes and dislikes? Why do I have to turn on the TV and be exposed to this garbage? Is it a conspiracy?
I only wish I had the power to decide the fate of my last boss. I better stop there.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Chicken George
Have you heard about the Chicken McNugget that sold for $8,100 on Ebay because it had a profile that resembled George Washington? Yea, and it's a few years old too. I am so sorry that I missed getting in on this bidding. I really want to send a note to the genius who bought this and ask him where he hides his flying saucer, and also to let him know that I may have a few choice items for him to add to his collection:
I have some old socks that can be used as hand puppets that resemble Kermit and Miss Piggy.
I have been saving an old pork chop that looks like Joy Behar for over a year. I just felt at the time that it was fate that made me shove this in my underwear drawer.
I have a few putters that are guaranteed to make the ball go in the hole. No, really!
I have a previously used hot dog that I loaned to both Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre for their dubious forays in cyberspace.
And finally, an old Dennis Kucinich campaign button that bears an image of the soon to be former Congressman Kucinich. This guy could probably help the aforementioned McNugget buyer relocate his spacecraft - it could be in the same hangar where the Congressman from space parks his.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I have some old socks that can be used as hand puppets that resemble Kermit and Miss Piggy.
I have been saving an old pork chop that looks like Joy Behar for over a year. I just felt at the time that it was fate that made me shove this in my underwear drawer.
I have a few putters that are guaranteed to make the ball go in the hole. No, really!
I have a previously used hot dog that I loaned to both Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre for their dubious forays in cyberspace.
And finally, an old Dennis Kucinich campaign button that bears an image of the soon to be former Congressman Kucinich. This guy could probably help the aforementioned McNugget buyer relocate his spacecraft - it could be in the same hangar where the Congressman from space parks his.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
This is PETAFUL!
So some cows were killed in Illinois when a truck flipped over. The truck was transporting them - my guess is to the slaughterhouse, but who knows, it could have been to the spa for a hooficure. Anyway, our good friends at PETA want the state of Illinois to allow them to erect roadside signs to memorialize this tragedy. I got a suggestion - how about a sign with a Big Mac on it. They probably wanted one of Elsie wearing her bonnet looking serenely up to cow heaven. Next thing you know the parachuting, poor spelling cows from Chick-Filet will be dropping in to say a cow novena for their cloven relatives. These morons have no idea how their actions are probably affecting the families of those who have lost loved ones in highway tragedies. So PETA flakes, wake up, go have a burger and get over yourselves.
BBFN - Fanatticman
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Valentine's Day
I really love my wife, so I don't want anything I say after this to be misconstrued.
So here goes: Valentine's Day is a crock.
Haven't you had it with cupids, and stupid gifts, and candy in heart shaped boxes, and syrupy greeting cards and heart shaped balloons in the meat department? Come on already, and while we are still in rehab from Christmas overload? This one has to be eliminated from our culture - and they stick it in there right before you begin the glide path to Easter and chocolate eggs. Now you now why our country is in an obesity crisis - it's a freakin' chocolate orgy for four months.
I think it's a conspiracy by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and the corporations involved in the weight loss industry. Hell, folks pack on so much weight between Thanksgiving and Easter, that these companies are in fat city for the rest of the year.
And then there are the ads for Valentine's Day gifts. I can't decide whether to get a damn Pajamagram or an arrangement of edible fruit to go with my order from Flowers.com. Try this - just buy your squeeze a treadmill so you can look at her again by next Christmas.
BBFN - Fanatticman
So here goes: Valentine's Day is a crock.
Haven't you had it with cupids, and stupid gifts, and candy in heart shaped boxes, and syrupy greeting cards and heart shaped balloons in the meat department? Come on already, and while we are still in rehab from Christmas overload? This one has to be eliminated from our culture - and they stick it in there right before you begin the glide path to Easter and chocolate eggs. Now you now why our country is in an obesity crisis - it's a freakin' chocolate orgy for four months.
I think it's a conspiracy by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and the corporations involved in the weight loss industry. Hell, folks pack on so much weight between Thanksgiving and Easter, that these companies are in fat city for the rest of the year.
And then there are the ads for Valentine's Day gifts. I can't decide whether to get a damn Pajamagram or an arrangement of edible fruit to go with my order from Flowers.com. Try this - just buy your squeeze a treadmill so you can look at her again by next Christmas.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My Christmas Letter
Dear Friends:
I hope that this letter finds you just as boring and socially awkward as we remember you. Our family has absolutely excelled this year, but since you know us, you probably assumed that already and most of this is predictable. Our vacations were fabulous and we won a ton of money in the high stakes room at the Casino Royale (Yes, this is in Monte Carlo and not in West Virginia.) Our children had exceptional years as well, although I doubt that this will be the only Nobel prize that they rack up in their lives. We understand that curing cancer is noteworthy, but we expect more than that from their future collaborations.
Since we now have more spare time this year now that we are both retired, we spent a little of it getting to know each other's literary style and knocked out a few bestsellers. The reception to accept the Pulitzer would have been wonderful, but it was the same week UNICEF brought us to Haiti to accept our award for our efforts with the orphans.
And I almost forgot to tell you about our dog. You have probably already seen him on You Tube reciting the alphabet. So cute - and he was a Vick dog we adopted a few years ago.(No we didn't threaten him with his life, he just seemed so submissive and eager to please, it was easy).
Well, it's been great catching up. Looking forward to hearing about how your average family muddled through another year.
Happy Holidays.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I hope that this letter finds you just as boring and socially awkward as we remember you. Our family has absolutely excelled this year, but since you know us, you probably assumed that already and most of this is predictable. Our vacations were fabulous and we won a ton of money in the high stakes room at the Casino Royale (Yes, this is in Monte Carlo and not in West Virginia.) Our children had exceptional years as well, although I doubt that this will be the only Nobel prize that they rack up in their lives. We understand that curing cancer is noteworthy, but we expect more than that from their future collaborations.
Since we now have more spare time this year now that we are both retired, we spent a little of it getting to know each other's literary style and knocked out a few bestsellers. The reception to accept the Pulitzer would have been wonderful, but it was the same week UNICEF brought us to Haiti to accept our award for our efforts with the orphans.
And I almost forgot to tell you about our dog. You have probably already seen him on You Tube reciting the alphabet. So cute - and he was a Vick dog we adopted a few years ago.(No we didn't threaten him with his life, he just seemed so submissive and eager to please, it was easy).
Well, it's been great catching up. Looking forward to hearing about how your average family muddled through another year.
Happy Holidays.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Quick Hits
So since I haven't been putting well recently I have been spending time in my man cave practice putting to see if I can discover the problem - to no avail, I don't seem to be making my share. So as I was practicing last night, my wife pops in and I explain to her that despite all of my practice, I am not making as many as I feel I should. So she says, "perhaps you need to channel Kim Jong Il". Great line huh? That little jumpsuit wearing creep who reigned in terror over N. Korea for decades. Yea, the guy who said he shot 38 for a round of golf, which included 11 holes-in-one. He must have putted damn well to shoot that number, and his iron game must have been flawless.
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
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