Your World Didn't End and Neither Did Mayan

I am very glad to be writing this tonight. I am still here - well at least physically.
Not being clobbered with space junk that would knock our planet off its axis is a bit of a relief. It sure makes the folly going on in our Congress look inconsequential doesn't it? At least we will have a cliff to go over in a few weeks. If the Mayans had been right in their calendar keeping we'd all be floating around as cosmic dust, a true everlasting tribute to Carl Sagan.

There are a lot of pluses to these little equatorial fanatics being wrong on this one:

1) I didn't have a chance to go to confession - whew! skated by again. I'm sure that pretty soon we'll be able to do it with an app on an iphone for 99 cents, so I'm holding out for the totally anonymous confession and impersonal absolution. Got to  remember to tweet the Pope about this concept.

2) I can stop wearing my football helmet and shoulder pads to bed.

3) Don't have to watch anymore Nat Geo specials on the end of the game as we know it and survivalists - well at least until they make the sequel about why the little knotheads were wrong.( by the way, if they were so smart how come their main sport was "throw the head through the hoop". Even NBA guys know it's easier with a ball).

4) We all get to see a few more RG3 commercials. He's just warming up and he's a rookie, yet he's going to make Peyton and Brady look like pikers by the time he gets through with his 20 years of huckstering. The only thing that can stop him will be a Tiger-like episode where his cheerleader girlfriend lodges a spicy subway sandwich deep down his piehole after she catches him in a way too personal locker room interview.

I think I'll call it quits as I am starting to meander. Let's just say that despite all the  minor irritations we bump into (or in my case manufacture) each day, I'm glad the little swarthy tykes weren't right on this call. By the way, you know they weren't very good at mapmaking either - they all got lost.


BBFN- Fanatticman

What Am I Thankful For?

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a goodnight. Yes, I am still mixing holiday sayings and customs together improperly, but I have so much to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving it would get anyone confused. Some recent reasons to give bountiful thanks:

1) I am thankful that Petraeus had an affair with a woman - no need to revisit that don't ask, don't tell nonsense

2) I am thankful that Hillary Clinton is resigning - girl look haggard. I couldn't tell who was who when she was standing next to Netanyahu.

3) I am thankful that there is a fiscal cliff looming ever closer - more opportunity for the talking heads to say "kick it down the road"

4) I am thankful that Eagles Coach Andy Reid won't get fired until the season is over - there are plenty of senseless challenge flags to be tossed and six more post-game pressers where he says "he takes responsibility and he has to get better"

5) I am thankful about the uproar over the unions forcing  Hostess Bakery to close -  although given a little more time Mayor Bloomberg would have found a way to do it himself (now there's a damn Twinkie for you)

But really I am thankful for my family, our great country and that we have the many freedoms we enjoy. And for golf, oh yes, almost forgot.
Now let's hope Santa brings us a nice, big turkey for Thanksgiving, or maybe some chocolate Easter eggs.


BBFN - Fanatticman

How to Tell When the Wedding Was Really Fun

WHEN:
 1) The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom sat together and enjoyed each other's company
 2) There was so much dancing that most people never saw a piece of wedding cake
 3) Variations on the dance floor included sitting on the floor and rowing with an air paddle from place to place, and carrying a grown man on your shoulders
 4) Women shed their stylish high heels for sandals provided for full throttle dance   moves
 5) An uncle offers to ante up so that the party can continue for another hour
 6) The bar bill gets alarmingly close to the food bill
 7) Everyone rides to the reception and back to the hotel in a bus
 8) 60 year olds decide to party on with the younger folks at a bar in the early morning hours
 9) Alka Seltzer is provided in the guests' gift bags
10) Everyone gets home without being hospitalized

Congratulations again Lora and Joe.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Two Recent Annoying Things

The Guinness ad where they show a guy in a kilt bending over and inadvertently flashing his hopefully clad man zone to two flummoxed guys is so overplayed that I want to boycott St. Patrick's Day. Come on, it's funny the first time but gets stupid after seeing it every 10 minutes. Stop it now !

How about the Orlando Magic? In an effort to keep Dwight Howard (who has done nothing but bitch in his entire pro career), they have told baby Howard that he can decide whether to keep the GM and Coach after the season if he signs a contract extension. HUH? This is unbelievable.

I had a great round of golf today,and I come home to this junk? Where is the universal consideration for my likes and dislikes? Why do I have to turn on the TV and be exposed to this garbage? Is it a conspiracy?

I only wish I had the power to decide the fate of my last boss. I better stop there.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Chicken George

Have you heard about the Chicken McNugget that sold for $8,100 on Ebay because it had a profile that resembled George Washington? Yea, and it's a few years old too. I am so sorry that I missed getting in on this bidding. I really want to send a note to the genius who bought this and ask him where he hides his flying saucer, and also to let him know that I may have a few choice items for him to add to his collection:

I have some old socks that can be used as hand puppets that resemble Kermit and Miss Piggy.

I have been saving an old pork chop that looks like Joy Behar for over a year. I just felt at the time that it was fate that made me shove this in my underwear drawer.

I have a few putters that are guaranteed to make the ball go in the hole. No, really!

I have a previously used hot dog that I loaned to both Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre for their dubious forays in cyberspace.

And finally, an old Dennis Kucinich campaign button that bears an image of the soon to be former Congressman Kucinich. This guy could probably help the aforementioned McNugget buyer relocate his spacecraft - it could be in the same hangar where the Congressman from space parks his.


BBFN - Fanatticman

This is PETAFUL!

So some cows were killed in Illinois when a truck flipped over. The truck was transporting them - my guess is to the slaughterhouse, but who knows, it could have been to the spa for a hooficure. Anyway, our good friends at PETA want the state of Illinois to allow them to erect roadside signs to memorialize this tragedy. I got a suggestion - how about a sign with a Big Mac on it. They probably wanted one of Elsie wearing her bonnet looking serenely up to cow heaven. Next thing you know the parachuting, poor spelling cows from Chick-Filet will be dropping in to say a cow novena for their cloven relatives. These morons have no idea how their actions are probably affecting the families of those who have lost loved ones in highway tragedies. So PETA flakes, wake up, go have a burger and get over yourselves.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Valentine's Day

I really love my wife, so I don't want anything I say after this to be misconstrued.
So here goes: Valentine's Day is a crock.

Haven't you had it with cupids, and stupid gifts, and candy in heart shaped boxes, and syrupy greeting cards and heart shaped balloons in the meat department? Come on already, and while we are still in rehab from Christmas overload? This one has to be eliminated from our culture - and they stick it in there right before you begin the glide path to Easter and chocolate eggs. Now you now why our country is in an obesity crisis - it's a freakin' chocolate orgy for four months.

I think it's a conspiracy by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and the corporations involved in the weight loss industry. Hell, folks pack on so much weight between Thanksgiving and Easter, that these companies are in fat city for the rest of the year.

And then there are the ads for Valentine's Day gifts. I can't decide whether to get a damn Pajamagram or an arrangement of edible fruit to go with my order from Flowers.com. Try this - just buy your squeeze a treadmill so you can look at her again by next Christmas.

BBFN - Fanatticman