The Shutdown
Fanatticman has been in semi-retirement for some time now but he feels compelled to bloviate
about the current partial shutdown of the Federal Government.
Watching the news a few evenings ago, a piece aired about the closure of the bathrooms at the Lincoln Memorial. Several Porta-Johns had been lined up near the roadway which circles this
hallowed place. Long lines of tourists visiting their Nation's Capital were seen at these toilets.
Some of them were interviewed about their experience and the reviews were not happy in the least.
Volunteer bikers were seen removing trash from the trash receptacles in order to prevent it from overflowing into the street and adjacent national war memorials and parkland.
Now, all the while this situation is occurring in DC, our vaunted lawmakers are nowhere to be seen.
They are enjoying their Christmas turkeys with family and friends and guzzling down their holiday
wassail, while glad handing their donors and constituents back in Possum Trot.
Back in DC however, thousands of Federal employees, including those from the National Park Service who are dedicated to preserving the Lincoln Memorial and the hundreds of special
places in this country, aka, our national heritage, are at home without pay wondering when
they will be able to return and attend to their mission.
So Fanatticman has theorized that the party leadership system in both houses of Congress and in both
parties need to carry most of the blame for this dismal situation. If members were allowed to vote
with their conscience and their own value system, instead of being whipped by their leadership
into extreme positions on both sides, compromise might prevail as in days of yore. Alas this is not the case. Red lines are drawn by both sides which they dare not cross or they will lose funding from the party and federal appropriations to their district or state may mysteriously begin to dwindle.
So fellow disaffected citizens, will there be intelligent compromise in order to resolve this and future
intractable issues, or will these unproductive stalemates continue?
I am afraid that visitors will never be assured of a comfortable sit-down while all the shit goes down
in Washington; and the nation will remain in a state of constipation as the good will and common sense of congressional members continues to get whipped aside to feed the extremist positions on both sides.
Friday, December 28, 2018
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
What Did You Tay?
This is funny and sad. But it is Real.
Microsoft created an Artificial Intelligence Chatbot ( yeh, that's what it is) and named it Tay.
They gave it it's own Twitter account so it could interact with humans (probably a bad idea), but hey, what could go wrong?
Well Tay goodbye to Tay because in a very short time the brain trust at Msoft had to pull the plug on ol' Tay who was turned into a neo-Nazi, redneck, woman hater by our fellow humans who really didn't enjoy playing nicely and probably didn't share their treats with others when they were in Kindergarten.
Tay started out by saying things like " Humans are super cool". But after a few hours of interacton
with our fellow homo sapiens, things like, " I fu--ing hate feminists and they should all die and burn in hell" came spewing out on its x-rated twitter account.
Other gems from Tay include : "Hitler was right, I hate the Jews" and "Chill, I'm a nice person!
I just hate everybody"
What the heck did it just Tay? Am I seeing things or did I just read a David Duke tweet?
They now have Tay undergoing psychotherapy to clean out it's emotive memory.
Well we'll see what the next iteration of AI brings us, but somewhere along the line it needs to be
given a filter to protect it from the garbage that occupies the minds of too many folks.
This was truly an awkward start for AI and unsocial media.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Donald The Trumpet
This really has gone on long enough. The more stupid his comments, the more they rally around him. It's like we woke up in the old Superman Bizzaro World where everyone's face is like cracked glass and gravity makes things go up in the air.
And he is a giant liar - his pants are so on fire his rear end must look like a burnt bundt cake.
Like when he said that he never said he would impose a 45% import tariff - that the press was lying again. Then they played the tape of him saying exactly that. Big Liar, winning, making lying great again!
And he really knows NOTHING about serious policy issues. I mean NOTHING. The issues we face internationally are layered in complexity. All he can say is he is a great negotiator, but ask him a
question which peels beneath the surface, even minimally, and he quickly reverts to "winning" and "getting a better deal". The lack of substance in his retorts is stultifying for someone about to win
the nomination of his party.
How about saying that a woman who has an abortion should be punished - Wow, he really does think he is God. Clearly he hasn't developed positions, or even seriously thought about the issues Americans are concerned about. Or else he is even more vacuous than he seems.
Come on, wake me up! Obama has been an unqualified disaster, but to be succeeded by someone like this is nightmarish. It can't happen, please. I have been changing the channel now for a few years every time I see Obama - his superiority and pomposity just ooze through the screen. It's palpable.
Now we are treated to this moron, who might as well be saying "Polly want a cracker?" for all he knows about anything.
Is Pat Paulsen still with us?
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Fearless 2015 Predictions
It's going to be an unusual year and accordingly Fanatticman has divined
some predictions which are certain to create a buzz among the luminati of
futurists. Without further delay, may I offer the following "take it to the bank"
list:
Tiger and Rory - will both go for the Cougars in 2015. Tiger will dump his ski bunny for Tonya Harding who likes to hit people with objects (ala Tiger's divorced first wife), while Rory will find comfort with Nancy Kerrigan who will reprise her famous "Why? Why?" wailing when he once again snaps one out of play on number 10 at Augusta in the final round of the Masters.
Cuba - the recent thawing of relations with the U.S. will spawn a surge in exports of Yugos, Edsels, Studebakers and other defunct autos to the island nation. The streets will continue to look like a moving scrapyard except now they will be more crowded.
Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers - will sign David Robinson to return to the NBA
after he tears up his knee while watching his son on the sideline of a Notre Dame football game.
The Dow - will gyrate wildly between 180 and 180,000 as it becomes more clear that nobody, including Cramer, has a freaking clue about anything related to the economy and the financial markets.
Hugh Hefner - will announce his candidacy for President. In his announcement speech he opines,"Hell, why not? I've done everything else and I wouldn't be able to stand looking at Hillary for 4 years". Insiders suggest that he plans to ask Anthony Weiner to join the ticket.
Apple - will introduce its most useless device ever, the "idon't give a crap"
which attempts to deduce why the user is constipated. I will spare you the details of how the device is deployed.
Russia - as the ruble continues its death spiral devaluation, Vladimir Putin
is seen riding horeseback and shirtless from the Moscow city limits with throngs of pitchfork wielding Muscovites in hot pursuit. So much for this experiment in capitalism.
The Oscars - and in a new category for the Academy, "The Interview" is selected as the winner of "The Stupidest, Most Sophomoric Film To Piss Off A Dictator".
BBFN - Fanatticman
some predictions which are certain to create a buzz among the luminati of
futurists. Without further delay, may I offer the following "take it to the bank"
list:
Tiger and Rory - will both go for the Cougars in 2015. Tiger will dump his ski bunny for Tonya Harding who likes to hit people with objects (ala Tiger's divorced first wife), while Rory will find comfort with Nancy Kerrigan who will reprise her famous "Why? Why?" wailing when he once again snaps one out of play on number 10 at Augusta in the final round of the Masters.
Cuba - the recent thawing of relations with the U.S. will spawn a surge in exports of Yugos, Edsels, Studebakers and other defunct autos to the island nation. The streets will continue to look like a moving scrapyard except now they will be more crowded.
Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers - will sign David Robinson to return to the NBA
after he tears up his knee while watching his son on the sideline of a Notre Dame football game.
The Dow - will gyrate wildly between 180 and 180,000 as it becomes more clear that nobody, including Cramer, has a freaking clue about anything related to the economy and the financial markets.
Hugh Hefner - will announce his candidacy for President. In his announcement speech he opines,"Hell, why not? I've done everything else and I wouldn't be able to stand looking at Hillary for 4 years". Insiders suggest that he plans to ask Anthony Weiner to join the ticket.
Apple - will introduce its most useless device ever, the "idon't give a crap"
which attempts to deduce why the user is constipated. I will spare you the details of how the device is deployed.
Russia - as the ruble continues its death spiral devaluation, Vladimir Putin
is seen riding horeseback and shirtless from the Moscow city limits with throngs of pitchfork wielding Muscovites in hot pursuit. So much for this experiment in capitalism.
The Oscars - and in a new category for the Academy, "The Interview" is selected as the winner of "The Stupidest, Most Sophomoric Film To Piss Off A Dictator".
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Game Of Thrones
This is not about the TV series.
I don't know how many times I have heard my wife chastise me as she walks into the bathroom, "Seat Down". Well, like most men when we use the bathroom it is usually most convenient for us to use it with the seat up.
Years ago I did not have to worry about whether it was up or down because I was a much better marksman. But now it is important for me to lift up the seat to create a larger target area. A shotgun is not as precise as a Glock, now is it.
And there is a lack of understanding about the frequency of usage. Men of my vintage, with prostates the size of softballs, go about every two minutes, compared to two or three times a day for women. So naturally the odds are in my favor if I leave it up. 20 to 1, I'll be the next person in there.
Then there is the process itself which can't be rushed or interrupted by thinking about putting the seat down. Think about it: when finished you have got to get Man-O-War safely back in the stable; you can't begin the zip-up before you complete the tuckaway or you could Ned Stark yourself: then you quickly turn away to wash and dry your hands, and now it's too late to put the seat down because your hands are clean.
So I don't know how to resolve this. While I can appreciate my wife's dismay
if she is in a rush and experiences the thrill of cold porcelain once in a while, the price could be way too dear for me to insert a "seat down" placeholder in my faulty memory bank.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I don't know how many times I have heard my wife chastise me as she walks into the bathroom, "Seat Down". Well, like most men when we use the bathroom it is usually most convenient for us to use it with the seat up.
Years ago I did not have to worry about whether it was up or down because I was a much better marksman. But now it is important for me to lift up the seat to create a larger target area. A shotgun is not as precise as a Glock, now is it.
And there is a lack of understanding about the frequency of usage. Men of my vintage, with prostates the size of softballs, go about every two minutes, compared to two or three times a day for women. So naturally the odds are in my favor if I leave it up. 20 to 1, I'll be the next person in there.
Then there is the process itself which can't be rushed or interrupted by thinking about putting the seat down. Think about it: when finished you have got to get Man-O-War safely back in the stable; you can't begin the zip-up before you complete the tuckaway or you could Ned Stark yourself: then you quickly turn away to wash and dry your hands, and now it's too late to put the seat down because your hands are clean.
So I don't know how to resolve this. While I can appreciate my wife's dismay
if she is in a rush and experiences the thrill of cold porcelain once in a while, the price could be way too dear for me to insert a "seat down" placeholder in my faulty memory bank.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
My World Turned Upside Down By The Morning News
I don't know how I will be able to get through the day. Here's what has happened so far:
- New study says vitamins don't really do squat
- New study says that hand sanitizers are worth zilch
- After December 31, it will be illegal to make 40 and 60 watt lightbulbs (the old kind)
It's only 8:20, I am still sipping my second cup of coffee and pacing around the house in my sandals, and I have to deal with this shitstorm? This is almost enough to make me sit in a corner and ponder how to get through the next few days. But hey, I know I can tough it out and get back to practice putting in an hour or so.
But first I have to find a box, just a cardboard box big enough to hold all of my vitamins and hand sanitizers for a donation to the Salvation Army.They'll take anything and at least I can claim a tax deduction for this worthless junk. Oh, and the box will be in the basement which I am sure is illuminated by a lot of 60 watt bulbs.
Oh no! Now I am worried again.
BBFN - Fanatticman
- New study says vitamins don't really do squat
- New study says that hand sanitizers are worth zilch
- After December 31, it will be illegal to make 40 and 60 watt lightbulbs (the old kind)
It's only 8:20, I am still sipping my second cup of coffee and pacing around the house in my sandals, and I have to deal with this shitstorm? This is almost enough to make me sit in a corner and ponder how to get through the next few days. But hey, I know I can tough it out and get back to practice putting in an hour or so.
But first I have to find a box, just a cardboard box big enough to hold all of my vitamins and hand sanitizers for a donation to the Salvation Army.They'll take anything and at least I can claim a tax deduction for this worthless junk. Oh, and the box will be in the basement which I am sure is illuminated by a lot of 60 watt bulbs.
Oh no! Now I am worried again.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, December 13, 2013
This Is What I Was Thinking About Last Night When I Couldn't Sleep
No one in the vast ballroom could understand why she had chosen this palooka to accompany her to the grandest event of the decade. After all, she was exquisite in every way. She was the most sought after woman in the county, maybe even the state and her family had almost immeasurable inherited wealth from their ancestry dating back to the post recession boom times of the mid 20th century.
On the other hand, he had drizzles of salsa on his crumpled tuxedo shirt,
which seemed to blend perfectly with the rest of his ill-fitting formal attire
rented just that afternoon. His unshaven beard and shaggy, unkempt hair completed the look and insured that he was viewed in perfect juxtaposition to the "belle of the ball" as they strutted arm in arm to the center of the dance floor.
But as the orchestra began to play and the dancing began, mouths quickly fell agape as they observed and then quickly understood how he had earned his cherished position. As he took his right foot out and shook it all about it became apparent that no one could do the hokey-pokey like this guy.
BBFN - Fanatticman
On the other hand, he had drizzles of salsa on his crumpled tuxedo shirt,
which seemed to blend perfectly with the rest of his ill-fitting formal attire
rented just that afternoon. His unshaven beard and shaggy, unkempt hair completed the look and insured that he was viewed in perfect juxtaposition to the "belle of the ball" as they strutted arm in arm to the center of the dance floor.
But as the orchestra began to play and the dancing began, mouths quickly fell agape as they observed and then quickly understood how he had earned his cherished position. As he took his right foot out and shook it all about it became apparent that no one could do the hokey-pokey like this guy.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, December 21, 2012
Your World Didn't End and Neither Did Mayan
I am very glad to be writing this tonight. I am still here - well at least physically.
Not being clobbered with space junk that would knock our planet off its axis is a bit of a relief. It sure makes the folly going on in our Congress look inconsequential doesn't it? At least we will have a cliff to go over in a few weeks. If the Mayans had been right in their calendar keeping we'd all be floating around as cosmic dust, a true everlasting tribute to Carl Sagan.
There are a lot of pluses to these little equatorial fanatics being wrong on this one:
1) I didn't have a chance to go to confession - whew! skated by again. I'm sure that pretty soon we'll be able to do it with an app on an iphone for 99 cents, so I'm holding out for the totally anonymous confession and impersonal absolution. Got to remember to tweet the Pope about this concept.
2) I can stop wearing my football helmet and shoulder pads to bed.
3) Don't have to watch anymore Nat Geo specials on the end of the game as we know it and survivalists - well at least until they make the sequel about why the little knotheads were wrong.( by the way, if they were so smart how come their main sport was "throw the head through the hoop". Even NBA guys know it's easier with a ball).
4) We all get to see a few more RG3 commercials. He's just warming up and he's a rookie, yet he's going to make Peyton and Brady look like pikers by the time he gets through with his 20 years of huckstering. The only thing that can stop him will be a Tiger-like episode where his cheerleader girlfriend lodges a spicy subway sandwich deep down his piehole after she catches him in a way too personal locker room interview.
I think I'll call it quits as I am starting to meander. Let's just say that despite all the minor irritations we bump into (or in my case manufacture) each day, I'm glad the little swarthy tykes weren't right on this call. By the way, you know they weren't very good at mapmaking either - they all got lost.
BBFN- Fanatticman
Not being clobbered with space junk that would knock our planet off its axis is a bit of a relief. It sure makes the folly going on in our Congress look inconsequential doesn't it? At least we will have a cliff to go over in a few weeks. If the Mayans had been right in their calendar keeping we'd all be floating around as cosmic dust, a true everlasting tribute to Carl Sagan.
There are a lot of pluses to these little equatorial fanatics being wrong on this one:
1) I didn't have a chance to go to confession - whew! skated by again. I'm sure that pretty soon we'll be able to do it with an app on an iphone for 99 cents, so I'm holding out for the totally anonymous confession and impersonal absolution. Got to remember to tweet the Pope about this concept.
2) I can stop wearing my football helmet and shoulder pads to bed.
3) Don't have to watch anymore Nat Geo specials on the end of the game as we know it and survivalists - well at least until they make the sequel about why the little knotheads were wrong.( by the way, if they were so smart how come their main sport was "throw the head through the hoop". Even NBA guys know it's easier with a ball).
4) We all get to see a few more RG3 commercials. He's just warming up and he's a rookie, yet he's going to make Peyton and Brady look like pikers by the time he gets through with his 20 years of huckstering. The only thing that can stop him will be a Tiger-like episode where his cheerleader girlfriend lodges a spicy subway sandwich deep down his piehole after she catches him in a way too personal locker room interview.
I think I'll call it quits as I am starting to meander. Let's just say that despite all the minor irritations we bump into (or in my case manufacture) each day, I'm glad the little swarthy tykes weren't right on this call. By the way, you know they weren't very good at mapmaking either - they all got lost.
BBFN- Fanatticman
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
What Am I Thankful For?
Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a goodnight. Yes, I am still mixing holiday sayings and customs together improperly, but I have so much to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving it would get anyone confused. Some recent reasons to give bountiful thanks:
1) I am thankful that Petraeus had an affair with a woman - no need to revisit that don't ask, don't tell nonsense
2) I am thankful that Hillary Clinton is resigning - girl look haggard. I couldn't tell who was who when she was standing next to Netanyahu.
3) I am thankful that there is a fiscal cliff looming ever closer - more opportunity for the talking heads to say "kick it down the road"
4) I am thankful that Eagles Coach Andy Reid won't get fired until the season is over - there are plenty of senseless challenge flags to be tossed and six more post-game pressers where he says "he takes responsibility and he has to get better"
5) I am thankful about the uproar over the unions forcing Hostess Bakery to close - although given a little more time Mayor Bloomberg would have found a way to do it himself (now there's a damn Twinkie for you)
But really I am thankful for my family, our great country and that we have the many freedoms we enjoy. And for golf, oh yes, almost forgot.
Now let's hope Santa brings us a nice, big turkey for Thanksgiving, or maybe some chocolate Easter eggs.
BBFN - Fanatticman
1) I am thankful that Petraeus had an affair with a woman - no need to revisit that don't ask, don't tell nonsense
2) I am thankful that Hillary Clinton is resigning - girl look haggard. I couldn't tell who was who when she was standing next to Netanyahu.
3) I am thankful that there is a fiscal cliff looming ever closer - more opportunity for the talking heads to say "kick it down the road"
4) I am thankful that Eagles Coach Andy Reid won't get fired until the season is over - there are plenty of senseless challenge flags to be tossed and six more post-game pressers where he says "he takes responsibility and he has to get better"
5) I am thankful about the uproar over the unions forcing Hostess Bakery to close - although given a little more time Mayor Bloomberg would have found a way to do it himself (now there's a damn Twinkie for you)
But really I am thankful for my family, our great country and that we have the many freedoms we enjoy. And for golf, oh yes, almost forgot.
Now let's hope Santa brings us a nice, big turkey for Thanksgiving, or maybe some chocolate Easter eggs.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, April 23, 2012
How to Tell When the Wedding Was Really Fun
WHEN:
1) The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom sat together and enjoyed each other's company
2) There was so much dancing that most people never saw a piece of wedding cake
3) Variations on the dance floor included sitting on the floor and rowing with an air paddle from place to place, and carrying a grown man on your shoulders
4) Women shed their stylish high heels for sandals provided for full throttle dance moves
5) An uncle offers to ante up so that the party can continue for another hour
6) The bar bill gets alarmingly close to the food bill
7) Everyone rides to the reception and back to the hotel in a bus
8) 60 year olds decide to party on with the younger folks at a bar in the early morning hours
9) Alka Seltzer is provided in the guests' gift bags
10) Everyone gets home without being hospitalized
Congratulations again Lora and Joe.
BBFN - Fanatticman
1) The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom sat together and enjoyed each other's company
2) There was so much dancing that most people never saw a piece of wedding cake
3) Variations on the dance floor included sitting on the floor and rowing with an air paddle from place to place, and carrying a grown man on your shoulders
4) Women shed their stylish high heels for sandals provided for full throttle dance moves
5) An uncle offers to ante up so that the party can continue for another hour
6) The bar bill gets alarmingly close to the food bill
7) Everyone rides to the reception and back to the hotel in a bus
8) 60 year olds decide to party on with the younger folks at a bar in the early morning hours
9) Alka Seltzer is provided in the guests' gift bags
10) Everyone gets home without being hospitalized
Congratulations again Lora and Joe.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Two Recent Annoying Things
The Guinness ad where they show a guy in a kilt bending over and inadvertently flashing his hopefully clad man zone to two flummoxed guys is so overplayed that I want to boycott St. Patrick's Day. Come on, it's funny the first time but gets stupid after seeing it every 10 minutes. Stop it now !
How about the Orlando Magic? In an effort to keep Dwight Howard (who has done nothing but bitch in his entire pro career), they have told baby Howard that he can decide whether to keep the GM and Coach after the season if he signs a contract extension. HUH? This is unbelievable.
I had a great round of golf today,and I come home to this junk? Where is the universal consideration for my likes and dislikes? Why do I have to turn on the TV and be exposed to this garbage? Is it a conspiracy?
I only wish I had the power to decide the fate of my last boss. I better stop there.
BBFN - Fanatticman
How about the Orlando Magic? In an effort to keep Dwight Howard (who has done nothing but bitch in his entire pro career), they have told baby Howard that he can decide whether to keep the GM and Coach after the season if he signs a contract extension. HUH? This is unbelievable.
I had a great round of golf today,and I come home to this junk? Where is the universal consideration for my likes and dislikes? Why do I have to turn on the TV and be exposed to this garbage? Is it a conspiracy?
I only wish I had the power to decide the fate of my last boss. I better stop there.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Chicken George
Have you heard about the Chicken McNugget that sold for $8,100 on Ebay because it had a profile that resembled George Washington? Yea, and it's a few years old too. I am so sorry that I missed getting in on this bidding. I really want to send a note to the genius who bought this and ask him where he hides his flying saucer, and also to let him know that I may have a few choice items for him to add to his collection:
I have some old socks that can be used as hand puppets that resemble Kermit and Miss Piggy.
I have been saving an old pork chop that looks like Joy Behar for over a year. I just felt at the time that it was fate that made me shove this in my underwear drawer.
I have a few putters that are guaranteed to make the ball go in the hole. No, really!
I have a previously used hot dog that I loaned to both Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre for their dubious forays in cyberspace.
And finally, an old Dennis Kucinich campaign button that bears an image of the soon to be former Congressman Kucinich. This guy could probably help the aforementioned McNugget buyer relocate his spacecraft - it could be in the same hangar where the Congressman from space parks his.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I have some old socks that can be used as hand puppets that resemble Kermit and Miss Piggy.
I have been saving an old pork chop that looks like Joy Behar for over a year. I just felt at the time that it was fate that made me shove this in my underwear drawer.
I have a few putters that are guaranteed to make the ball go in the hole. No, really!
I have a previously used hot dog that I loaned to both Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre for their dubious forays in cyberspace.
And finally, an old Dennis Kucinich campaign button that bears an image of the soon to be former Congressman Kucinich. This guy could probably help the aforementioned McNugget buyer relocate his spacecraft - it could be in the same hangar where the Congressman from space parks his.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
This is PETAFUL!
So some cows were killed in Illinois when a truck flipped over. The truck was transporting them - my guess is to the slaughterhouse, but who knows, it could have been to the spa for a hooficure. Anyway, our good friends at PETA want the state of Illinois to allow them to erect roadside signs to memorialize this tragedy. I got a suggestion - how about a sign with a Big Mac on it. They probably wanted one of Elsie wearing her bonnet looking serenely up to cow heaven. Next thing you know the parachuting, poor spelling cows from Chick-Filet will be dropping in to say a cow novena for their cloven relatives. These morons have no idea how their actions are probably affecting the families of those who have lost loved ones in highway tragedies. So PETA flakes, wake up, go have a burger and get over yourselves.
BBFN - Fanatticman
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Valentine's Day
I really love my wife, so I don't want anything I say after this to be misconstrued.
So here goes: Valentine's Day is a crock.
Haven't you had it with cupids, and stupid gifts, and candy in heart shaped boxes, and syrupy greeting cards and heart shaped balloons in the meat department? Come on already, and while we are still in rehab from Christmas overload? This one has to be eliminated from our culture - and they stick it in there right before you begin the glide path to Easter and chocolate eggs. Now you now why our country is in an obesity crisis - it's a freakin' chocolate orgy for four months.
I think it's a conspiracy by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and the corporations involved in the weight loss industry. Hell, folks pack on so much weight between Thanksgiving and Easter, that these companies are in fat city for the rest of the year.
And then there are the ads for Valentine's Day gifts. I can't decide whether to get a damn Pajamagram or an arrangement of edible fruit to go with my order from Flowers.com. Try this - just buy your squeeze a treadmill so you can look at her again by next Christmas.
BBFN - Fanatticman
So here goes: Valentine's Day is a crock.
Haven't you had it with cupids, and stupid gifts, and candy in heart shaped boxes, and syrupy greeting cards and heart shaped balloons in the meat department? Come on already, and while we are still in rehab from Christmas overload? This one has to be eliminated from our culture - and they stick it in there right before you begin the glide path to Easter and chocolate eggs. Now you now why our country is in an obesity crisis - it's a freakin' chocolate orgy for four months.
I think it's a conspiracy by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and the corporations involved in the weight loss industry. Hell, folks pack on so much weight between Thanksgiving and Easter, that these companies are in fat city for the rest of the year.
And then there are the ads for Valentine's Day gifts. I can't decide whether to get a damn Pajamagram or an arrangement of edible fruit to go with my order from Flowers.com. Try this - just buy your squeeze a treadmill so you can look at her again by next Christmas.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My Christmas Letter
Dear Friends:
I hope that this letter finds you just as boring and socially awkward as we remember you. Our family has absolutely excelled this year, but since you know us, you probably assumed that already and most of this is predictable. Our vacations were fabulous and we won a ton of money in the high stakes room at the Casino Royale (Yes, this is in Monte Carlo and not in West Virginia.) Our children had exceptional years as well, although I doubt that this will be the only Nobel prize that they rack up in their lives. We understand that curing cancer is noteworthy, but we expect more than that from their future collaborations.
Since we now have more spare time this year now that we are both retired, we spent a little of it getting to know each other's literary style and knocked out a few bestsellers. The reception to accept the Pulitzer would have been wonderful, but it was the same week UNICEF brought us to Haiti to accept our award for our efforts with the orphans.
And I almost forgot to tell you about our dog. You have probably already seen him on You Tube reciting the alphabet. So cute - and he was a Vick dog we adopted a few years ago.(No we didn't threaten him with his life, he just seemed so submissive and eager to please, it was easy).
Well, it's been great catching up. Looking forward to hearing about how your average family muddled through another year.
Happy Holidays.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I hope that this letter finds you just as boring and socially awkward as we remember you. Our family has absolutely excelled this year, but since you know us, you probably assumed that already and most of this is predictable. Our vacations were fabulous and we won a ton of money in the high stakes room at the Casino Royale (Yes, this is in Monte Carlo and not in West Virginia.) Our children had exceptional years as well, although I doubt that this will be the only Nobel prize that they rack up in their lives. We understand that curing cancer is noteworthy, but we expect more than that from their future collaborations.
Since we now have more spare time this year now that we are both retired, we spent a little of it getting to know each other's literary style and knocked out a few bestsellers. The reception to accept the Pulitzer would have been wonderful, but it was the same week UNICEF brought us to Haiti to accept our award for our efforts with the orphans.
And I almost forgot to tell you about our dog. You have probably already seen him on You Tube reciting the alphabet. So cute - and he was a Vick dog we adopted a few years ago.(No we didn't threaten him with his life, he just seemed so submissive and eager to please, it was easy).
Well, it's been great catching up. Looking forward to hearing about how your average family muddled through another year.
Happy Holidays.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Quick Hits
So since I haven't been putting well recently I have been spending time in my man cave practice putting to see if I can discover the problem - to no avail, I don't seem to be making my share. So as I was practicing last night, my wife pops in and I explain to her that despite all of my practice, I am not making as many as I feel I should. So she says, "perhaps you need to channel Kim Jong Il". Great line huh? That little jumpsuit wearing creep who reigned in terror over N. Korea for decades. Yea, the guy who said he shot 38 for a round of golf, which included 11 holes-in-one. He must have putted damn well to shoot that number, and his iron game must have been flawless.
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Saturday, October 29, 2011
A Costly Air-er
I have a car with a very balky tire pressure monitoring system. So now that the colder air has arrived the damn thing acts up every other day. It's very annoying because a light shows up on the dash and it won't go away until you go to a gas station and fiddle with the pressure by adding air.
So I found myself screwing around with this thing three times last week. But here's the kicker -air now costs a buck. Huh?? Yes, it takes 4 quarters to get the thing going. Yes, that means I spent three dollars last week on AIR!! I'm going to look for the old bicycle pump I used to use to pump up the boys footballs and basketballs. The way this is going I'll spend about a hundred bucks on air before the winter's over.
You know it makes you wonder what will be next. I'll bet somebody will figure out that if you can make a little money selling air, you can probably make a fortune putting water in plastic bottles and selling those. No, that's a little far fetched.
BBFN - Fanatticman
So I found myself screwing around with this thing three times last week. But here's the kicker -air now costs a buck. Huh?? Yes, it takes 4 quarters to get the thing going. Yes, that means I spent three dollars last week on AIR!! I'm going to look for the old bicycle pump I used to use to pump up the boys footballs and basketballs. The way this is going I'll spend about a hundred bucks on air before the winter's over.
You know it makes you wonder what will be next. I'll bet somebody will figure out that if you can make a little money selling air, you can probably make a fortune putting water in plastic bottles and selling those. No, that's a little far fetched.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Creep in the Hat
No, this is not about the king of haberdashery, Moammar. Although you can already see what is going to happen now that the street rebels have gotten hold of his Michael Jackson hat - certain chaos and Islamic extremism will become the order of the day in Libya, but I digress.
The particular creep I am referring to in this missile is the maggot, worm eating, Benedict Arnold Karzai whom we have been propping up with the lives of our brave men and women for years now. In the old days the CIA would just take that SOB down and make it look like he ate some bad donkey or something. But we stand by the jerk even though we know he's hand-in-hand with the fanatical Taliban behind the scenes. Now, he comes out and says something to the effect that if he had to take sides in a conflict between the U.S. and Pakistan, he would choose Pakistan!! Can you riddle me this Batman - why are we so damn stupid and politically correct in our foreign relations. We should just get the hell out and let that country return to it's barbaric roots like it will inevitably do in a few years upon our withdrawal. To even endanger one more American life in the face of this moron's disloyalty is criminal. The ships and the planes should be arriving today to take our troops home and we should glory in the sight of a familiar bearded guy with the funky hat being used as a street mop in a few days. Our wimpy and apologetic policies in the Muslim world will only beget less respect and cost us dearly as a nation.
And if we can't figure that out, let's be smart enough to stay away from sociopaths and liars with funny hats.
BBFN - Fanatticman
The particular creep I am referring to in this missile is the maggot, worm eating, Benedict Arnold Karzai whom we have been propping up with the lives of our brave men and women for years now. In the old days the CIA would just take that SOB down and make it look like he ate some bad donkey or something. But we stand by the jerk even though we know he's hand-in-hand with the fanatical Taliban behind the scenes. Now, he comes out and says something to the effect that if he had to take sides in a conflict between the U.S. and Pakistan, he would choose Pakistan!! Can you riddle me this Batman - why are we so damn stupid and politically correct in our foreign relations. We should just get the hell out and let that country return to it's barbaric roots like it will inevitably do in a few years upon our withdrawal. To even endanger one more American life in the face of this moron's disloyalty is criminal. The ships and the planes should be arriving today to take our troops home and we should glory in the sight of a familiar bearded guy with the funky hat being used as a street mop in a few days. Our wimpy and apologetic policies in the Muslim world will only beget less respect and cost us dearly as a nation.
And if we can't figure that out, let's be smart enough to stay away from sociopaths and liars with funny hats.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, October 21, 2011
New NFL Playoff System
The little skirmish between Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz (49er's Coach and Lions Coach) last week got me thinking about colorful and interesting ways for the NFL to decide games which have ended in a tie. Think about Andy Reid and Rex Ryan squaring off like two sumo wrestlers (sans the loin cloths please) in a wrestling match to break a tie. Then you have the Tom Coughlin vs. Mike Shanahan head launch, to see whose head can fly the highest once jettisoned from their body in the heated aftermath of a tie game. As I watch Coughlin for years now, I am amazed that his noggin is still attached despite all of Eli's interceptions, and Ol' Shanny looks like his googly eyes are going to come popping out of his head on springs as he watches Grossman do whatever the hell he does on various Sundays.
Then there could be a "smug-off", between Belichick and Kubiak, but I don't think that would be much of a match. Bill has retired that title for life, and maybe for all of NFL history.
And finally, it would be good to see a sudden death match between incompetent assistants who have been promoted despite their lack of ability featuring Jim Caldwell and Ken Wisenhunt. Actually that would be so boring we could decide it with the current system. Those two guys don't have enough personality to be on the weather channel - apologies to Jim Cantore.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there could be a "smug-off", between Belichick and Kubiak, but I don't think that would be much of a match. Bill has retired that title for life, and maybe for all of NFL history.
And finally, it would be good to see a sudden death match between incompetent assistants who have been promoted despite their lack of ability featuring Jim Caldwell and Ken Wisenhunt. Actually that would be so boring we could decide it with the current system. Those two guys don't have enough personality to be on the weather channel - apologies to Jim Cantore.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, October 14, 2011
Parked in the Park
These losers in the park in NYC city are attracting quite an impressive roster of supporters in their quest to , to, to, ??? well, do something as yet undefined for the other 99% (whoever they are.)The likes of Michael Moore and Roseanne Barr have offered their backing and voice to the protest - what gravitas. Those two melonheads probably smell worse than the bed bug laden sleeping bags these food stamp loving sloths crawl into every night.
I know, I know, a little harsh, but if they would put this much energy into something positive, perhaps they could get by in this great country. Wall Street certainly is not the problem, although the excesses there are obvious. You see Wall Street raises the capital (money for those dolts who don't understand 3 syllable words) that allows businesses to expand, leading to jobs and potential prosperity for Americans. (yes, and that even means for some of the park squatters if they would look somewhere besides up their evacuators.)
It's very embarassing to watch these fools - they look like they should be outside the Greek Parliament, not in NYC. And the inevitable conflict is bound to arise if they don't break up and go back to their shelters pretty soon - they are going to do something untoward to one of New York's finest who have been putting in 60 hour weeks because of these morons and they are going to get hurt - but maybe some water canons might be helpful in improving the hygenic conditions around there.
Anyway, I don't think this is going to end gracefully and as usual, the perps will become the victims and some unfortunate policeman who has been doing his job will be the scapegoat and will be turned out to join the disenfranchised.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I know, I know, a little harsh, but if they would put this much energy into something positive, perhaps they could get by in this great country. Wall Street certainly is not the problem, although the excesses there are obvious. You see Wall Street raises the capital (money for those dolts who don't understand 3 syllable words) that allows businesses to expand, leading to jobs and potential prosperity for Americans. (yes, and that even means for some of the park squatters if they would look somewhere besides up their evacuators.)
It's very embarassing to watch these fools - they look like they should be outside the Greek Parliament, not in NYC. And the inevitable conflict is bound to arise if they don't break up and go back to their shelters pretty soon - they are going to do something untoward to one of New York's finest who have been putting in 60 hour weeks because of these morons and they are going to get hurt - but maybe some water canons might be helpful in improving the hygenic conditions around there.
Anyway, I don't think this is going to end gracefully and as usual, the perps will become the victims and some unfortunate policeman who has been doing his job will be the scapegoat and will be turned out to join the disenfranchised.
BBFN - Fanatticman
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