Brett

Brett Favre was finally fined 50k by the NFL for not cooperating with the Commissioner's investigation concerning his communication with a female employee of the Jets when he was also with the Jets. This is way too easy an out for the Commish. It doesn't address the key issue of whether Brett sent pictures of little Brett, sans his little Viking helmet, to said female employee.



Here's the line they came up with: "The forensic analysis could not establish that Favre sent the objectionable photographs to (Jenn) Sterger". Come on now guys, this is the 21st Century and all you have to do is watch a few TV crime shows to find out how to prove or disprove these allegations. And why do you think he was uncooperative - he didn't want to participate in a lineup situation with he and little Brett lined up with 5 or 6 other palookas, while Jenn and the Commish yuck it up behind the glass. Not quite the Kodak moment you envisioned when you hit the send button, is it you ol' gunslinger?




What a way to go out Brett - and if your Wrangler jeans are so comfortable, how about doing us all a favor and keep them on the next time you decide to do a cell phone photo spread.





BBFN - Fanatticman

An Airline Crime Against Humanity

Wow - just heard about planes that sat on the tarmac for 11 hours after landing because they couldn't get them to a gate due to the heavy snows. How about hooking it up to a damn Ford 150 pickup like they do in the TV ads. Try something, anything - let them walk to a gate with Saint Bernards in the lead.



Can you imagine the relief when you finally land in tough conditions and then the voice comes over the intercom saying there will be a slight delay getting to your gate - no biggie, you're safe, you're at your destination, so what's a few minutes. Then at about hour four sitting next to the fat guy, and behind the poor mom with 2 screaming kids, you realize that there are no more sharp instruments in your carry-on. This is when you have to get creative and search the plane for other ways to commit suicide. If you could only get the oxygen mask to drop down, that cord might be strong enough for strangling yourself.

It's also a pretty safe bet that all of the booze and food are gone after a few hours, so now you have several hundred people who need to use the four stinking little restrooms for another eight hours or so. There can't be enough air freshener or Purell in the world to keep this stranded sardine can of humanity from smelling like anything but a landfill.

Then as you finally depart 11 hours later they say "and please make sure to check the monitors in the airport to see what time NEXT YEAR your connecting flight will be departing".


Isn't holiday travel fun? At least you got that new tie from Uncle Buster and that crocheted vest from Aunt Flo.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Long Term Care Insurance

Long Term Care Insurance is a really good idea - I think. I signed up for this a number of years ago and so I have spent quite a bit on monthly premiums to date. And it's not cheap. If you are a frequent reader of this blog you are probably saying to yourself that it's a good investment for this guy, no matter what the cost, because it sounds like he could start cashing in on it any day now - he's got to be drooling on his slippers to be concerned with the things he writes about.




And yet I feel that if I get run over by a golf cart, or become frustrated to death by watching C-Span and just fall over in my chair, that I just blew a chunk of money for nothing. At least with regular Life Insurance there is a certainty that someone, your beneficiary, will get paid for the investment. But with this long term care stuff, you're hoping you never need it, so by default, you are happy to be throwing your money away for years, hopefully decades.



So now I am in the process of assessing my entire insurance portfolio. We have not invested in Long Term Care for my wife, but I have a feeling that we should. She has been complaining for years that I am driving her crazy; I always assumed that she was exaggerating but perhaps we should hedge our bets.

I am also going to see if we can bundle our LTC coverage with our auto insurance. That way they can send a roadside assistance guy when you get a flat on your mobility scooter or he can pick you up and get you going again if your onstar device on your walker indicates that you've tipped over. How come I wasn't asked to weigh in on improving health care?

BBFN - Fanatticman

Prescription Drug Warnings

Have you listened to the warnings for side effects for prescription drugs that are advertised on TV? Holy Cow - the conditions these things are supposed to fix can't be worse than their side effects.



There's one ad for a drug called Abilify. I forget what it's supposed to treat (could be memory loss), but anyway I won't be taking it anytime soon. Why if you take this stuff, it sounds like your arm could fall off, or your eyes pop out of your head - I mean the list of side effects goes on so long they have to continue it in the next episode.



Then there's one for an asthma drug where they say something like,"taking this drug may cause death more often than using an inhaler". Did he just say death ?
What doctor prescribes this stuff, Dr. Jekyll? I'm sure Marcus Welby is sticking with the old inhaler for his patients.




And then the prescription sleep aids have another litany of warnings including bad breath, thoughts of suicide and depression. I wonder how they expect people to sleep when they are making them suicidal and depressed - you know suicide can't be good for their refill business. It also says that it could cause you to sleep walk or take a drive during the night which you may not remember. You can bet wives are handing these zombies the keys because they're sick of that bad breath blowing on them for eight hours.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Persuading Kids to Play?

I am really out of it , even more so than I thought. How about this new campaign by the NFL called"NFL Play 60"? Because our kids have become so glued to their electronics they don't go outside and have a pick up football game or baseball game, or play hoops or just run around like little morons like we used to, playing hide and seek or cowboys. When my friends and I were growing up my mother would sometimes have to scour the neighborhood to find us - heck we would play right through the dinner hour and then eat in a hurry once found, and head right back out for more.

So I am a little confounded by the need to coax kids outside. But in this age of texting, and skype and 3D TV, there are so many more options for our kids to just sit and exercise their fingers, instead of their whole body. And you can readily see where all of this leads - the danger of producing an even less fit generation of Americans, a disturbing thought indeed since we are such an obese nation already.

So I guess the NFL should be congratulated for this campaign. Now if they or another organization could come up with a campaign for Congress, you know something like " Think 5" we would really be on to something. Maybe some of our representatives with obese egos could shrink them down to size and begin doing the work they were sent there to do.

Golf Channel

I like to play golf seven days a week. My wife challenged me the other day when she heard me tell someone that I played about 6 times a week. I told her that it didn't sound good to say 7 - don't want to sound like I have an addiction or that my obsessive, compulsive behavior is winning (it actually won a few years ago).




But now that the snow has arrived and shows no signs of leaving very soon, I am reduced to practice putting in my man cave and watching the Golf Channel. Now during this lull between the end of the 2010 golf season and the beginning of the 2011 season in Hawaii, the Golf Channel's programming has devolved into reruns of "Twelve Nights at the Academy"( which has been shown so often it feels like 112 nights), Trump and his self promoting show about how great he is, and the Top Ten show where they have created episodes about Tiger's top 10 girlfriends, er I meant moments, and the best Mickelson choke jobs and similar grist which they will rerun for the next 3 weeks without mercy.




But the most deadly are the constant infomercials for golf gadgets and training aids. If you're not careful, you could find yourself in severe pain by trying to swing a Medicus driver while wearing a V-Harness. Visualize a large pretzel in plaid shorts and golf spikes. Can you imagine the look on the chiropractor's face when he discovers what happened?




I really don't think that Rocco, Gary Koch and Roger Maltbie realize that they could be responsible for serious bodily harm to guys like me shut out from golf for weeks at a time. I'm waiting for a warning from the Surgeon General as an intro to these infomercials as the injury count begins to rise.



BBFN and Merry Christmas - Fanatticman

UCONN and Geno

Great accomplishment by the UCONN women's team. They'll probably go on to win over 100 in a row, but I hope they don't. I am suffering from Geno overload. I can't turn on a sports show of any kind without seeing his mug and listening to his whining comments complaining about sports media. Hey Geno, you just set a record that is probably unbreakable - lighten up! What's going to happen when you lose one - suicide on Sportscenter?





Also, does this mean that every game they win in a row from now on, we will have to be exposed to in depth coverage about each win? Come on - Geno will run out of stupid things to say after the next game, well, maybe not. He's showing no signs of slowing down so far.





The team members are great: happy, confident, loaded with enthusiasm - absolutely super talented young women. So don't misconstrue my comments - this is not a slam against them. But their cranky coach and his tedious demeanor have worn me down. Without Maya Moore you'd be a good team, but not this undefeated juggernaut. So why don't you smile and soak it in buddy? Why don't you stop trying to say clever things about the comparison between you and Wooden and stifle your impulse to be snarky? That's my job. Your 15 minutes has already lasted a few years, and it feels like decades.

Name's the Same

Why doesn't Tommy Armour III play golf with Tommy Armour clubs? I don't even know if they make Tommy Armour clubs anymore, but he didn't play with them even when they were a popular choice for tour golfers. I can remember Davis Love wearing a visor proclaiming the name Tommy Armour, while his playing partner, whose name was Tommy Armour was wearing a Titleist visor. Something just doesn't feel right about that.


Do you think Michael Bloomberg watches Fox Business News? If he does, I'm sure he doesn't talk about it - or wear a hat that says CNBC.


Does the great, great grandson of Henry Ford drive a Chevy? No, it's probably a Mercedes whenever he can, but for public consumption I'll guess he's tooling around in his hybrid Fusion.


Then there is The Donald, who would put the name Trump on his rear end if it didn't move around so much. Trump Towers, Trump Casinos, all the Trump golf courses, and he's even infiltrated card games.

So come on Tommy, don't be like George Washington; they even named the city after him and he still lived over in Virginia. Find an old set of 845's and stick them in your bag and ask Davis if he still has that old visor.

BBFN - Fanatticman

Doors

So I was going into Target the other day and I found myself standing in front of a door which wouldn't open. It was early, only one cup of coffee eating away at my stomach lining, and I was probably thinking about golf. But it still should have opened automatically like these high traffic doors always do. But alas, I was standing in front of the exit door like a dope. But it felt like I had done everything right; afterall this was the door on the right side, you know drive on the right, walk on the right as we are all conditioned to do in America. Yet this door on the right of the two I could choose from was the exit. Hey, this isn't England! They must be conspiring against the drowsy and dim-witted. So I figured out how to get in, quickly made my purchase, and was funneled into the exit door (also on the left) on my way out. I was amazed they could make the same mistake twice.







Then a few days later I was going to Lowe's, and I noticed that the Spanish words announcing which was the entrance and which was the exit, were the same size as the English words. I had to stop and take a good look for the Entrance. Wow - another trap for me. I didn't want to get caught standing in front of the exit again like a dope and subject myself to ridicule. This is a lot to think about when you're just trying to get in the place and buy a new showerhead. I never thought that I would have to strategize and map out a plan to get into a store. I think I am going to do a little reconnaissance trip before I go to Home Depot.







Then there are the infamous revolving doors at restaurants. Have you ever noticed how many kids and seniors get trapped in there. I saw one so jammed up one night I thought we were going to need Copperfield to teleport these folks out. I really think the hostess has the fire department on autodial just in case. I've also seen seniors go for a round trip, thinking they were in the restaurant, only to find themselves bewildered and back out on the sidewalk. Luckily for the management they didn't walk right to their car saying "it was good, and not that filling".







BBFN - Fanatticman

Please stop saying these things

Why do people insist on calling the NFL team from Jacksonville the "JagWIRES"? Why - oh -Why? Doesn't it hurt your ears? It makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound pleasing. People can pronounce the animal or the car properly , "oh look at the new Jaguar, nice looking car" and it comes out just fine. But let them venture into the lexicon of NFL team names and they choke like Phil Mickelson needing to break par on a Sunday. Please folks, maybe a little practice - say "Jaguar" and leave the wires to the electricians.





"Let me be honest with you" is a saying that lets the listener know that everything else you just said was a lie. This is a phrase that practically every politician should use. Then it would have real application because they lie all the time. So announcing a clarion moment when the truth is about to spill out of their lips would be something to point out for sure. But then again, how would we know they were "really being honest". It quickly becomes circular if you stay with this discussion too long.





And then there is "At the end of the day". Every commentator on every subject gloms on to this as if it's a law that they use it in every other sentence. Stop it PLEASE! How about a few real creative cliches like "when the party's over" or "when it's all said and done". It must be part of the tryout when you are being interviewed to be a talking head that they evaluate you on habitual and unnecessary use of this phrase. Seems that everybody passed with flying colors.





So in conclusion I would like to crow about the phenomenal comeback by the Eagles yesterday against the Giants, but let me be honest with you, at the end of the day it's all been said. Heck, they even beat the Jagwires.

Boehner et al

Lots in the news about John Boehner, the so called "Weeper 0f the House", and his penchant for turning on the waterworks at the mention of, well, nearly anything. Hey, who can blame the guy? He's looking ahead at what he is walking into and it's not pretty. They say herding cats is difficult - child's play compared to trying to lead this band of gutless, unscrupulous and mediocre folks who really don't care about anything except self-preservation. There are a few exceptions to this sweeping characterization, but you've seen what this gang has done over the last several years. As Emmitt Smith would say, they have"debacled" their responsibilties to govern in the best interest of the people who put them there. So stop all the banter about weepy John - he has peered into the future and there are a lot more tears from both sides yet to be shed.





Then there is Barry O meeting today with leaders of industry and business at the Blair House. You can tell what he really thinks of this crowd because he won't even invite them into the manor, only the guest house. Now the Lakers get to pose in the WH because he thinks he can garner a few tips about his crossover and his lame lefty jumper - that's important stuff. But let's stow these billionaires and millionaires who help make this country run over across the street. That way he can sneak over there for a few minutes, have some punch and a sugar cookie and make them feel like they are being listened to - because that is what he is doing, listening and not hearing.



Enough of politics. Just have faith that our country will self correct; it always has and I believe that " we the people" will ensure that it does once again.





BBFN - Fanatticman

Annoying Ads

Since I have been watching a lot of football during the last few weeks I have noticed the many ads with Christmas themes and music. I really don't like a lot of them. Perhaps the ones I have seen most frequently are the Hyundai ads. You know the ones where the girl is singing carols in an annoyingly high key and her elf boyfriend is playing drums, or a xylophone and skips around the car. Just awful! And now that Hyundai is selling more cars, we have to watch this stuff with greater frequency because they can afford it. I am really getting nostalgic for the Yugo.




And then there are a few booze ads. The ones with P Diddy (nice name by the way) are so bad they are cringe worthy. And Michael Imperioli celebrating the virtues of his Vodka bottle top is so stupid it makes me wish that Tony Soprano would step in and put an end to it as I watch. Bada - boom!





Then there is "The Voice" in the Jos. A. Bank ads. He can make a "buy one tie-get one for free" sale sound like the sea is about to part again. Calm down my friend, it's a TIE.





And how about Flo from Progressive Insurance. She is starting to make even Joy Behar appear to be less irritating. I'll take the caveman anyday when it comes to overused insurance pitch people. Actually I think I like Mayhem the most (the guy that falls off the roof in the Allstate commercials). One tough, clumsy guy.



And since this is a blog and not a thesis, I'll control myself and stop here.

More on this topic at a later date. Fertlie ground indeed.





BBFN - Fanatticman

Don't Drop the Ball

Ian Poulter dropped his ball on his marker inadvertently and was penalized. That really shows how off the wall golf rules are. This shouldn't even have happened to a guy like Poulter, who would be easy to like if it weren't for his hair, clothes, voice and personality.



Speaking of dropping the ball, who let BO the POTUS walk out of his presser on tax cuts saying he couldn't keep his wife waiting. I guess good help is hard to get around the mansion. What's he going to tell the guy on the end of the hotline if that ever rings, "would love to stay and chat but the dog hasn't been walked yet"?



And then there is catching the ball: how many will Jason Witten catch against the slow footed Eagle Linebacker corps - under 7 the birds have a chance; I 'm calling nine and a cowboys win. Watch for Andy Reid to throw a challenge flag
on himself for wasting his two previous timeouts. This may not make much sense unless you're a student of the indiscriminate challenger.



And back to dropping the ball: extra points are not automatic and neither are chip shot field goals - just ask Graham who doesn't "Gano" how to kick as the Skins self-destructed in the rain despite the Bucs efforts to hand them another win.



BBFN - Fanatticman