Dear Friends:
I hope that this letter finds you just as boring and socially awkward as we remember you. Our family has absolutely excelled this year, but since you know us, you probably assumed that already and most of this is predictable. Our vacations were fabulous and we won a ton of money in the high stakes room at the Casino Royale (Yes, this is in Monte Carlo and not in West Virginia.) Our children had exceptional years as well, although I doubt that this will be the only Nobel prize that they rack up in their lives. We understand that curing cancer is noteworthy, but we expect more than that from their future collaborations.
Since we now have more spare time this year now that we are both retired, we spent a little of it getting to know each other's literary style and knocked out a few bestsellers. The reception to accept the Pulitzer would have been wonderful, but it was the same week UNICEF brought us to Haiti to accept our award for our efforts with the orphans.
And I almost forgot to tell you about our dog. You have probably already seen him on You Tube reciting the alphabet. So cute - and he was a Vick dog we adopted a few years ago.(No we didn't threaten him with his life, he just seemed so submissive and eager to please, it was easy).
Well, it's been great catching up. Looking forward to hearing about how your average family muddled through another year.
Happy Holidays.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Quick Hits
So since I haven't been putting well recently I have been spending time in my man cave practice putting to see if I can discover the problem - to no avail, I don't seem to be making my share. So as I was practicing last night, my wife pops in and I explain to her that despite all of my practice, I am not making as many as I feel I should. So she says, "perhaps you need to channel Kim Jong Il". Great line huh? That little jumpsuit wearing creep who reigned in terror over N. Korea for decades. Yea, the guy who said he shot 38 for a round of golf, which included 11 holes-in-one. He must have putted damn well to shoot that number, and his iron game must have been flawless.
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there is Rick Perry. Did you ever see a more dazed looking guy when they ask him a question at the debates? How the hell does he get his socks on in the morning without printed instructions? Can you imagine him running US foreign policy? That dumb bastard would declare war on Oklahoma. And who in God's name let Ron Paul out of his Jack-in-the-Box? Talk about delusional. And the scariest part is the amount of wealth being wasted on these campaigns to nowhere. The morons who fund these guys must be as out of it as their candidates. MESSAGE TO FUNDERS: If you need a tax write off that badly, do us a favor and send it to " Save the Aardvarks".
OK, off to the course. I wonder what kind of putting grip that little jerk used.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Saturday, October 29, 2011
A Costly Air-er
I have a car with a very balky tire pressure monitoring system. So now that the colder air has arrived the damn thing acts up every other day. It's very annoying because a light shows up on the dash and it won't go away until you go to a gas station and fiddle with the pressure by adding air.
So I found myself screwing around with this thing three times last week. But here's the kicker -air now costs a buck. Huh?? Yes, it takes 4 quarters to get the thing going. Yes, that means I spent three dollars last week on AIR!! I'm going to look for the old bicycle pump I used to use to pump up the boys footballs and basketballs. The way this is going I'll spend about a hundred bucks on air before the winter's over.
You know it makes you wonder what will be next. I'll bet somebody will figure out that if you can make a little money selling air, you can probably make a fortune putting water in plastic bottles and selling those. No, that's a little far fetched.
BBFN - Fanatticman
So I found myself screwing around with this thing three times last week. But here's the kicker -air now costs a buck. Huh?? Yes, it takes 4 quarters to get the thing going. Yes, that means I spent three dollars last week on AIR!! I'm going to look for the old bicycle pump I used to use to pump up the boys footballs and basketballs. The way this is going I'll spend about a hundred bucks on air before the winter's over.
You know it makes you wonder what will be next. I'll bet somebody will figure out that if you can make a little money selling air, you can probably make a fortune putting water in plastic bottles and selling those. No, that's a little far fetched.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Creep in the Hat
No, this is not about the king of haberdashery, Moammar. Although you can already see what is going to happen now that the street rebels have gotten hold of his Michael Jackson hat - certain chaos and Islamic extremism will become the order of the day in Libya, but I digress.
The particular creep I am referring to in this missile is the maggot, worm eating, Benedict Arnold Karzai whom we have been propping up with the lives of our brave men and women for years now. In the old days the CIA would just take that SOB down and make it look like he ate some bad donkey or something. But we stand by the jerk even though we know he's hand-in-hand with the fanatical Taliban behind the scenes. Now, he comes out and says something to the effect that if he had to take sides in a conflict between the U.S. and Pakistan, he would choose Pakistan!! Can you riddle me this Batman - why are we so damn stupid and politically correct in our foreign relations. We should just get the hell out and let that country return to it's barbaric roots like it will inevitably do in a few years upon our withdrawal. To even endanger one more American life in the face of this moron's disloyalty is criminal. The ships and the planes should be arriving today to take our troops home and we should glory in the sight of a familiar bearded guy with the funky hat being used as a street mop in a few days. Our wimpy and apologetic policies in the Muslim world will only beget less respect and cost us dearly as a nation.
And if we can't figure that out, let's be smart enough to stay away from sociopaths and liars with funny hats.
BBFN - Fanatticman
The particular creep I am referring to in this missile is the maggot, worm eating, Benedict Arnold Karzai whom we have been propping up with the lives of our brave men and women for years now. In the old days the CIA would just take that SOB down and make it look like he ate some bad donkey or something. But we stand by the jerk even though we know he's hand-in-hand with the fanatical Taliban behind the scenes. Now, he comes out and says something to the effect that if he had to take sides in a conflict between the U.S. and Pakistan, he would choose Pakistan!! Can you riddle me this Batman - why are we so damn stupid and politically correct in our foreign relations. We should just get the hell out and let that country return to it's barbaric roots like it will inevitably do in a few years upon our withdrawal. To even endanger one more American life in the face of this moron's disloyalty is criminal. The ships and the planes should be arriving today to take our troops home and we should glory in the sight of a familiar bearded guy with the funky hat being used as a street mop in a few days. Our wimpy and apologetic policies in the Muslim world will only beget less respect and cost us dearly as a nation.
And if we can't figure that out, let's be smart enough to stay away from sociopaths and liars with funny hats.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, October 21, 2011
New NFL Playoff System
The little skirmish between Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz (49er's Coach and Lions Coach) last week got me thinking about colorful and interesting ways for the NFL to decide games which have ended in a tie. Think about Andy Reid and Rex Ryan squaring off like two sumo wrestlers (sans the loin cloths please) in a wrestling match to break a tie. Then you have the Tom Coughlin vs. Mike Shanahan head launch, to see whose head can fly the highest once jettisoned from their body in the heated aftermath of a tie game. As I watch Coughlin for years now, I am amazed that his noggin is still attached despite all of Eli's interceptions, and Ol' Shanny looks like his googly eyes are going to come popping out of his head on springs as he watches Grossman do whatever the hell he does on various Sundays.
Then there could be a "smug-off", between Belichick and Kubiak, but I don't think that would be much of a match. Bill has retired that title for life, and maybe for all of NFL history.
And finally, it would be good to see a sudden death match between incompetent assistants who have been promoted despite their lack of ability featuring Jim Caldwell and Ken Wisenhunt. Actually that would be so boring we could decide it with the current system. Those two guys don't have enough personality to be on the weather channel - apologies to Jim Cantore.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there could be a "smug-off", between Belichick and Kubiak, but I don't think that would be much of a match. Bill has retired that title for life, and maybe for all of NFL history.
And finally, it would be good to see a sudden death match between incompetent assistants who have been promoted despite their lack of ability featuring Jim Caldwell and Ken Wisenhunt. Actually that would be so boring we could decide it with the current system. Those two guys don't have enough personality to be on the weather channel - apologies to Jim Cantore.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, October 14, 2011
Parked in the Park
These losers in the park in NYC city are attracting quite an impressive roster of supporters in their quest to , to, to, ??? well, do something as yet undefined for the other 99% (whoever they are.)The likes of Michael Moore and Roseanne Barr have offered their backing and voice to the protest - what gravitas. Those two melonheads probably smell worse than the bed bug laden sleeping bags these food stamp loving sloths crawl into every night.
I know, I know, a little harsh, but if they would put this much energy into something positive, perhaps they could get by in this great country. Wall Street certainly is not the problem, although the excesses there are obvious. You see Wall Street raises the capital (money for those dolts who don't understand 3 syllable words) that allows businesses to expand, leading to jobs and potential prosperity for Americans. (yes, and that even means for some of the park squatters if they would look somewhere besides up their evacuators.)
It's very embarassing to watch these fools - they look like they should be outside the Greek Parliament, not in NYC. And the inevitable conflict is bound to arise if they don't break up and go back to their shelters pretty soon - they are going to do something untoward to one of New York's finest who have been putting in 60 hour weeks because of these morons and they are going to get hurt - but maybe some water canons might be helpful in improving the hygenic conditions around there.
Anyway, I don't think this is going to end gracefully and as usual, the perps will become the victims and some unfortunate policeman who has been doing his job will be the scapegoat and will be turned out to join the disenfranchised.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I know, I know, a little harsh, but if they would put this much energy into something positive, perhaps they could get by in this great country. Wall Street certainly is not the problem, although the excesses there are obvious. You see Wall Street raises the capital (money for those dolts who don't understand 3 syllable words) that allows businesses to expand, leading to jobs and potential prosperity for Americans. (yes, and that even means for some of the park squatters if they would look somewhere besides up their evacuators.)
It's very embarassing to watch these fools - they look like they should be outside the Greek Parliament, not in NYC. And the inevitable conflict is bound to arise if they don't break up and go back to their shelters pretty soon - they are going to do something untoward to one of New York's finest who have been putting in 60 hour weeks because of these morons and they are going to get hurt - but maybe some water canons might be helpful in improving the hygenic conditions around there.
Anyway, I don't think this is going to end gracefully and as usual, the perps will become the victims and some unfortunate policeman who has been doing his job will be the scapegoat and will be turned out to join the disenfranchised.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Cue the Locusts
Hope those hoards of voracious flying insects are warming up in the green room because they must be about to descend on the east coast. Jumpin' Mary, hows about a quake, aftershocks, and Good Night Irene arriving in the same week? I miss my dog who died a few years ago, but she would be hiding under a coffee table afraid to take light nourishment after this recent climatic and geologic freak show.
So when the quake hit, I reacted calmly as is my custom and thought, well let's run into the bathroom. And as I was running in that direction, I thought, no fool, that's for tornadoes. Then I heard stuff starting to fall off of shelves and I said, abandon the damn ship, I ain't the captain(she wasn't home)and I bolted out the front door. There I could feel the fence, which I was hanging onto, and the driveway moving as I looked up at the side of my house waiting to watch it fall apart any second. After it stopped I went in to survey the damage and there was junk on the floor from the shelves and pictures tipped on the walls like you were in a Dali exhibit. Yet the only two permanent casualties were two golf trophies that were in pieces on the floor. They were both of golfers with a bad set up position anyway, so no real loss.
Anyway, I have seen a few locusts hanging around the exterior of my garage recently so I have got to prepare. I am trying to remember from my grade school days how my mom had stocked the fallout shelter. Oh yeah, off to the store for some Campbell's soup.
BBFN - Fanatticman
So when the quake hit, I reacted calmly as is my custom and thought, well let's run into the bathroom. And as I was running in that direction, I thought, no fool, that's for tornadoes. Then I heard stuff starting to fall off of shelves and I said, abandon the damn ship, I ain't the captain(she wasn't home)and I bolted out the front door. There I could feel the fence, which I was hanging onto, and the driveway moving as I looked up at the side of my house waiting to watch it fall apart any second. After it stopped I went in to survey the damage and there was junk on the floor from the shelves and pictures tipped on the walls like you were in a Dali exhibit. Yet the only two permanent casualties were two golf trophies that were in pieces on the floor. They were both of golfers with a bad set up position anyway, so no real loss.
Anyway, I have seen a few locusts hanging around the exterior of my garage recently so I have got to prepare. I am trying to remember from my grade school days how my mom had stocked the fallout shelter. Oh yeah, off to the store for some Campbell's soup.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Debt Ceiling
So despite what political pundits are saying, I think we have more than exceeded our debt ceiling. If you pile those debts up on top of each other you will not only reach the ceiling and go through the roof, you will probably reach the stratosphere, where space shuttles jettison their booster rockets like our government did it's fiscal common sense about six to seven years ago.
So now we have the President looking for a "big" solution and the opposition looking for an extension. This is mind-numbing street theater of the worst possible type. And in a city known for tragedy at the theater (just ask Mrs. Lincoln), this nonsense has got to stop and some adults need to enter the discussion and fix the mess. We can't be everything to everybody any longer, we can't police the world with our brave armed forces anymore, we can't continue to let 5% of our population carry 60% of the tax burden, and we can't condemn our children's children to a desperate future by not curbing our over generous system of entitlements.
So let's allow Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith to take over the negotiations. They have just resolved something much greater than our National Debt- they have nothing to do now that pro football is fixed for 10 years, so why not? Look at it this way - in Congress, when a guy sends dickpix to a woman, they make him resign; while in the NFL, they'll put him in the Hall of Fame, despite his indickscretions. Which is the happier solution? To use the popular political jargon we have been hearing for the last six months, let's stop kicking the can down the road, and let's start kicking the football down the field to fiscal solvency. Nice how it all comes together sometimes, ain't it bro?
BBFN - Fanatticman
So now we have the President looking for a "big" solution and the opposition looking for an extension. This is mind-numbing street theater of the worst possible type. And in a city known for tragedy at the theater (just ask Mrs. Lincoln), this nonsense has got to stop and some adults need to enter the discussion and fix the mess. We can't be everything to everybody any longer, we can't police the world with our brave armed forces anymore, we can't continue to let 5% of our population carry 60% of the tax burden, and we can't condemn our children's children to a desperate future by not curbing our over generous system of entitlements.
So let's allow Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith to take over the negotiations. They have just resolved something much greater than our National Debt- they have nothing to do now that pro football is fixed for 10 years, so why not? Look at it this way - in Congress, when a guy sends dickpix to a woman, they make him resign; while in the NFL, they'll put him in the Hall of Fame, despite his indickscretions. Which is the happier solution? To use the popular political jargon we have been hearing for the last six months, let's stop kicking the can down the road, and let's start kicking the football down the field to fiscal solvency. Nice how it all comes together sometimes, ain't it bro?
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Casey Anthony FRENZY
I am saddened at the thought of the poor little girl who died, apparently of unknown causes, but I am totally mystified about the 3 year coverage and total immersion by the media into this trial. Am I the lone person in America who thinks this way? Now that this is over, let's pray that people like Nancy Grace and these other courtroom pundits take a real long vacation. I know it won't happen because America seems to be devolving into one big trailer park. Snobby comment, I know. But the fascination people have for low rent, single digit IQ folks who commit these crimes and foul up their surroundings quicker than an untrained puppy is apparently immeasurable.
And there is no safe haven from this Anthony frenzy:
The weather channel is naming a tropical storm Caylee
Sportscenter keeps talking about Casey at the bat
Bloomberg broke into their early morning coverage of the Asian markets with the verdict announcement apparently implying that Apple may now accelerate their development of the Casey Anthony app
And the SyFy channel is promoting Extra Terrestrial involvement in this whole affair
Don't know about you, but I'm headed for the golf course. But my smartphone has been programmed to zap me alerts of any breaking news concerning juror interviews. Beam me up Scotty - not sure what nebula we have entered into.
BBFN - Fanatticman
And there is no safe haven from this Anthony frenzy:
The weather channel is naming a tropical storm Caylee
Sportscenter keeps talking about Casey at the bat
Bloomberg broke into their early morning coverage of the Asian markets with the verdict announcement apparently implying that Apple may now accelerate their development of the Casey Anthony app
And the SyFy channel is promoting Extra Terrestrial involvement in this whole affair
Don't know about you, but I'm headed for the golf course. But my smartphone has been programmed to zap me alerts of any breaking news concerning juror interviews. Beam me up Scotty - not sure what nebula we have entered into.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Losing My Appetitie
It's only fitting that after the Anthony Weiner scandal there would be a copycat crime - yes my hale and hardy companions on the journey, it's professional hot dog eating! Can there be anything worse than this assault on our culture? These dolts jamming 50-60 tube steaks down their pieholes have got to be stopped. The 4th of July is a great day, one that is rightfully celebrated with baseball, picnics, parades and fireworks. How did rounding up 10-20 of the dumbest, most ignorant people in America and watching them slobber up their faces with crushed weiner, bun and water become part of our great National holiday? Teacher, teacher - I know !!It's because we are becoming so freakin' dumb as a nation, THAT'S WHY.
A recent study showed that @16 per cent of our kids knew who Abraham Lincoln was.No big deal - they probably know all about Joey Chestnut. What the hell is going on around here? The morons who produce and sell this junk to America via TV are making us stupider than we have a right to be. The epidemic of reality TV is to blame for most of this phenomenon - the TV folks realized how stupid we are becoming and decided to just give us more of the same slop on almost every channel, network or cable. They are happy that people tune in religiously to this aimless, mindless drivel because it becomes just a big cycle after all - the more junk they produce, the more people watch and the more that they watch, the bigger their appetite for dopey, cheap and garbage TV becomes. The guy who called TV a "vast wasteland" was clairvoyant because he had no idea how bad it would become; he probably thought having a hot dog on the 4th of July was a good thing. Leave it to Joey Chestnut and his ilk and Junk TV executives to make eating a hot dog appear so unappetizing - unless of course you are about to appear on The Biggest Loser.
BBFN - Fanatticman
A recent study showed that @16 per cent of our kids knew who Abraham Lincoln was.No big deal - they probably know all about Joey Chestnut. What the hell is going on around here? The morons who produce and sell this junk to America via TV are making us stupider than we have a right to be. The epidemic of reality TV is to blame for most of this phenomenon - the TV folks realized how stupid we are becoming and decided to just give us more of the same slop on almost every channel, network or cable. They are happy that people tune in religiously to this aimless, mindless drivel because it becomes just a big cycle after all - the more junk they produce, the more people watch and the more that they watch, the bigger their appetite for dopey, cheap and garbage TV becomes. The guy who called TV a "vast wasteland" was clairvoyant because he had no idea how bad it would become; he probably thought having a hot dog on the 4th of July was a good thing. Leave it to Joey Chestnut and his ilk and Junk TV executives to make eating a hot dog appear so unappetizing - unless of course you are about to appear on The Biggest Loser.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Greece The Skids
So the European Union has agreed to cough up 17 billion to help Greece from going bankrupt. There will be more billions needed in September to keep the country afloat and the other European countries will probably swallow hard and give it to them. Yet the newscast is full of idiots in the streets of Athens rioting with police and causing mayhem. As Desi Arnaz used to say to Lucille Ball, "'Splain it to me Luci."
I know that there will be cuts to salaries and benefits of civil servants and that government functions will need to be reduced under a new austere budget, but can anyone articulate alternatives? Would the morons with the masks in the streets prefer that the entire country go bankrupt and that civil servants be fired and government functions totally eliminated? Can these be the descendants of Pericles, Socrates and Hippocrates? Or are they distant cousins of Moe, Larry and Curly?
The behavior indicates the latter lineage. Hopefully the populace at large will understand that austerity is necessarily the way forward and that Zeus will not be arriving anytime soon to rain down gold coins into the Hellenic treasury.
In the meantime, can someone call up a legion of Spartans to quell the stooges in the street before they destroy the place. The poor Athenian police appear to be woefully overmatched at this point. This entire episode, much like the takeover of the State Capitol in Wisconsin, is totally Greek to me.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I know that there will be cuts to salaries and benefits of civil servants and that government functions will need to be reduced under a new austere budget, but can anyone articulate alternatives? Would the morons with the masks in the streets prefer that the entire country go bankrupt and that civil servants be fired and government functions totally eliminated? Can these be the descendants of Pericles, Socrates and Hippocrates? Or are they distant cousins of Moe, Larry and Curly?
The behavior indicates the latter lineage. Hopefully the populace at large will understand that austerity is necessarily the way forward and that Zeus will not be arriving anytime soon to rain down gold coins into the Hellenic treasury.
In the meantime, can someone call up a legion of Spartans to quell the stooges in the street before they destroy the place. The poor Athenian police appear to be woefully overmatched at this point. This entire episode, much like the takeover of the State Capitol in Wisconsin, is totally Greek to me.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Few Things I Hope To Ask God Someday
I try to keep in perspective how lucky we are to live in this country and to be afforded the blessings and freedom which we all share. And it's all because of God. He must be terrific. Look at all of the stuff he created and look at all that he puts up with. He has been very generous to me and my family and has tolerated a lot from yours truly over the years. And yet I'm like mostly everybody else; I am still asking for stuff and not totally satisfied with the what I have. Good thing he doesn't take it personally. Probably just watches the circus and says to himself,
"I should have known". But that's the whole point, isn't it? He did know. And so if I ever get to see him face to face, there are more than a few questions I have got to pose to him. The list could go on for pages, so consider this the short list of icebreaker questions:
How did Hitler get through quality control? I know you are too busy to inspect all of your creations, but shouldn't some department head roll because of that?
What's up with the irony of good food vs. bad food? You could have made beer, chocolate and potato chips healthy foods and stuck cauliflower and brussel sprouts in the junk column. I'm just saying!
Why don't you like Haitians?
Could you have made the holes on a golf green 6" wide instead of 4"?
Was Keith Olberman really necessary?
Explain gnats to me.
Can you stop with the Tornadoes please.
With all due respect if you want to see the awesome power of your creations once in a while, you might consider a ride in a Porsche on the Autobahn.
Do we get a day off from purgatory every time our wives use a credit card? Is there some redeeming value associated with endless spending of which we mortals are unaware?
And lastly, for now, is the good thief really up there with you?
BBFN - Fanatticman
"I should have known". But that's the whole point, isn't it? He did know. And so if I ever get to see him face to face, there are more than a few questions I have got to pose to him. The list could go on for pages, so consider this the short list of icebreaker questions:
How did Hitler get through quality control? I know you are too busy to inspect all of your creations, but shouldn't some department head roll because of that?
What's up with the irony of good food vs. bad food? You could have made beer, chocolate and potato chips healthy foods and stuck cauliflower and brussel sprouts in the junk column. I'm just saying!
Why don't you like Haitians?
Could you have made the holes on a golf green 6" wide instead of 4"?
Was Keith Olberman really necessary?
Explain gnats to me.
Can you stop with the Tornadoes please.
With all due respect if you want to see the awesome power of your creations once in a while, you might consider a ride in a Porsche on the Autobahn.
Do we get a day off from purgatory every time our wives use a credit card? Is there some redeeming value associated with endless spending of which we mortals are unaware?
And lastly, for now, is the good thief really up there with you?
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Anthony's Weiner
Well, Well, Well - the guy who said you can't make this up was grossly underestimating this situation. The unbelievably arrogant and cocky Mr. Weiner admits to bombarding cyberspace with photos of his Oscar Mayer and then tearfully apologizes, while insisting he should not have to resign. I guess he figures that as long as his little Anthony can stay on his feet, so should he.
And under the dome where the largest collection of hypocrites, liars and self-absorbed cretans roams the halls, can it be long until there are more disclosures of similar tweets and facebook photos. This may be the tip of the iceberg, if you catch my drift, with these potential coming attractions as sequels to Anthony's Weiner:
Harry's Reid
John's Boehner
Barney's Frank
And if the epidemic spreads to the female side you could be looking at:
Nancy's Pelosi for God sake.
No, No, No sunshine, you can't make it up. Anthony's Weiner is something not to relish, but to be covered up again; this time with mustard.
BBFN - Fanatticman
And under the dome where the largest collection of hypocrites, liars and self-absorbed cretans roams the halls, can it be long until there are more disclosures of similar tweets and facebook photos. This may be the tip of the iceberg, if you catch my drift, with these potential coming attractions as sequels to Anthony's Weiner:
Harry's Reid
John's Boehner
Barney's Frank
And if the epidemic spreads to the female side you could be looking at:
Nancy's Pelosi for God sake.
No, No, No sunshine, you can't make it up. Anthony's Weiner is something not to relish, but to be covered up again; this time with mustard.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Dumbpires
I have watched this fiasco continue long enough - time to fix the issue of balls and strikes in MLB. If you are a fan and watch a lot of games on TV, you can't help but notice the absolutely indiscriminate, inconsistent strike zone that umpires have. It's crazy and it's unfair and it's wrongheaded to let this continue. Let the arrogant morons call plays at the plate, foul balls and other less frequent issues like interference, but take away their ball and strike calling. The technology we see every day on TV can be used to fairly decide if a pitch is in the strike zone.
There are idiots with Grand Canyon egos like Joe West and Jim Joyce calling stuff all over the place as strikes, and missing meat right down the middle - and God help you if a player takes issue with these blind bastards because he'll be lathering up with his favorite shower lotion quicker than you can say "Dove for Men". These guys ought to go on an Apprentice episode for arrogant assholes because they would never be fired.
And then the announcers, so they don't tee these guys off say things like,"well just
as long as he is consistent with that inside call it's OK". No! It's not OK! FIX IT!
They can't do what technology can - there will be no question, the game will be faster, fairer and that's what the sport needs. These blind guys can take away a championship that a team worked all year to earn with awful calls in an important game.
So Mr. Selig and MLB, fix the game - get some technology out there to give the pitchers and batters a fair shake. If you don't do something soon, we're going to unleash Earl Weaver on you and let him turn his hat around and spit in your face as he throws a tantrum. Now that's baseball.
BBFN - Fanatticman
There are idiots with Grand Canyon egos like Joe West and Jim Joyce calling stuff all over the place as strikes, and missing meat right down the middle - and God help you if a player takes issue with these blind bastards because he'll be lathering up with his favorite shower lotion quicker than you can say "Dove for Men". These guys ought to go on an Apprentice episode for arrogant assholes because they would never be fired.
And then the announcers, so they don't tee these guys off say things like,"well just
as long as he is consistent with that inside call it's OK". No! It's not OK! FIX IT!
They can't do what technology can - there will be no question, the game will be faster, fairer and that's what the sport needs. These blind guys can take away a championship that a team worked all year to earn with awful calls in an important game.
So Mr. Selig and MLB, fix the game - get some technology out there to give the pitchers and batters a fair shake. If you don't do something soon, we're going to unleash Earl Weaver on you and let him turn his hat around and spit in your face as he throws a tantrum. Now that's baseball.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sleeping on Air
Okay, file this in the Vince Lombardi "What the hell is going on out there?" category, but there has been an epidemic of air traffic controllers, and I use that term with some skepticism, falling asleep in the control towers. What does this make you want to do with all of those frequent flier miles you've been racking up? Trade them in for an upgrade on a rental car? Upgrade to a veranda on your next cruise?
How about anything except taking another flight with Sleepy from the seven dwarfs guiding your flying sardine can into a major metropolitan airport.
Yes, that's right, the guys who are charged with safeguarding the lives of thousands of air travelers every day are testing out their new tempurpedics in the freakin' tower. And the FAA hasn't fired anybody, despite numerous instances of this happening all over the country. I guess they are just going to load these clowns up with Vivarin and No-dose and ask them to wash it down with a little Red Bull and that will be that. Hell,they even let the First Lady's plane get too close to another jet just last week. One report even had a guy leaving the tower and napping out in his car!! I wonder what a pilot thinks when he contacts the tower for landing instructions and nobody answers -"oh yeah, Fred's on tonight, he said to try him on his cell phone and let it ring a few times?"
Listen guys, WAKE UP, drink more Starbuck's, take a leak on the floor in the tower if you have to, but don't take your eyes off that little screen -it's not a damn playstation.
BBFN - Fanatticman
How about anything except taking another flight with Sleepy from the seven dwarfs guiding your flying sardine can into a major metropolitan airport.
Yes, that's right, the guys who are charged with safeguarding the lives of thousands of air travelers every day are testing out their new tempurpedics in the freakin' tower. And the FAA hasn't fired anybody, despite numerous instances of this happening all over the country. I guess they are just going to load these clowns up with Vivarin and No-dose and ask them to wash it down with a little Red Bull and that will be that. Hell,they even let the First Lady's plane get too close to another jet just last week. One report even had a guy leaving the tower and napping out in his car!! I wonder what a pilot thinks when he contacts the tower for landing instructions and nobody answers -"oh yeah, Fred's on tonight, he said to try him on his cell phone and let it ring a few times?"
Listen guys, WAKE UP, drink more Starbuck's, take a leak on the floor in the tower if you have to, but don't take your eyes off that little screen -it's not a damn playstation.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Throw Tommy a Tissue
In a previous post, "Don't Let It Go To Your Head", Tom Brady was excoriated for his effeminate hair styling and questionable antics not befitting a Super Bowl quarterback. Now, playing on ESPN every 15 minutes, you can see Tom blubbering about not getting drafted until the sixth round. What the hell is he going to do next, dry his tears with his Fabio hair? I don't know where Giselle has been taking this guy in the offseason, but if he doesn't turn things around, we'll be watching him on the Ru Paul show. Talk about getting in touch with your feminine side - this guy is taking it to a whole new level. I hear he'll be doing makeup infomercials with Cindy Crawford to introduce his new line of designer eyeblack. Then there will be the new high heel football cleats he will introduce as part of his fall collection. Following that there will be Tom Brady shoulder pads - no it's not what you think, it's to puff up the shoulders on his new line of NFL Team blouses.
Tommy, they are running a lot of ads for a drug to combat a condition called Low T (testosterone). Buy yourself a truckload and get back in the game. As Don Carleone once growled to Fredo, it's time for you to "act like a man".
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tommy, they are running a lot of ads for a drug to combat a condition called Low T (testosterone). Buy yourself a truckload and get back in the game. As Don Carleone once growled to Fredo, it's time for you to "act like a man".
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Weekend Wrap
Phil: If he can hit his big stick like he did over the weekend in Houston, he should win at Augusta. My bet, though, is that he wreaks havoc with nesting pairs all through the Georgia pines and ends up with more pine needles in his pants than than a promiscuous high school girl after a Friday night homecoming game.
Stacey Lewis: how can someone that petite hit a golf ball that far? Great win for this little smurfette in an LPGA major. Makes me want to get some estrogen shots. Great story, made even greater by all of the physical hardships and surgery she has endured due her her spinal condition.
UCONN: nice to see my boy Geno walk away in defeat - now he will finally have a reason to be surly. Go back to your house, lock yourself in your room, and don't come out until you have completed a Dale Carnegie self-improvement course and have convinced yourself that you are not John Wooden. Now, if only that slimey Calhoun can lose to Butler tonight, justice will be served. He's one of those guys who has been skating by the NCAA because he is who he is and not because he runs a clean program. Things are starting to smell around his gymnasium, and its not sweaty Nikes. Do us all a favor, lose the game and then get out.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Stacey Lewis: how can someone that petite hit a golf ball that far? Great win for this little smurfette in an LPGA major. Makes me want to get some estrogen shots. Great story, made even greater by all of the physical hardships and surgery she has endured due her her spinal condition.
UCONN: nice to see my boy Geno walk away in defeat - now he will finally have a reason to be surly. Go back to your house, lock yourself in your room, and don't come out until you have completed a Dale Carnegie self-improvement course and have convinced yourself that you are not John Wooden. Now, if only that slimey Calhoun can lose to Butler tonight, justice will be served. He's one of those guys who has been skating by the NCAA because he is who he is and not because he runs a clean program. Things are starting to smell around his gymnasium, and its not sweaty Nikes. Do us all a favor, lose the game and then get out.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, April 1, 2011
An Azarenking In My Ears
I was remoting through the channels the other night going from an NBA game to the Golf Channel(surprise), when I heard something on ESPN 2 that was somewhat other wordly - a sound that was so eerie that I had to stop and tune in for a second. At first I thought it was a Tsunami warning siren and that there would be pictures of giant waves rolling in on some poor Pacific Island coastline. Then I thought momentarily that I must have hit on Animal Planet and caught the sound of a screech owl having an orgasm. But no, alas it was only a women's tennis tournament and the persistent wailing was coming from a player who emitted this tortuous yelp every time she made contact with the ball. It was awful I tell you and I am surprised that the learned among the fans at the match weren't sitting there wearing their BOSE headphones. How could anyone put up with this for hours at a time. Her poor opponent, Kim Clijsters, one of the best in the world was so flummoxed that she went up to the referee and asked for some relief. Although the exchange between Ms Clijsters and the ref was not audible, I did a little lip reading and I am certain that this is what she said: "If you don't make that banshee jam a Midas down her piehole, I'm outta here". No relief was granted and Ms. Clijsters was retired and quickly referred to an audiologist to make sure there was no permanent damage.
As to the perpetrator, one Victoria Azarenka, she has her future career all lined up after her playing days are over. They are going to stick her in a church steeple in a small town in Belarus and let her clear the square in case of a civil emergency. The owls will be thrilled too.
BBFN - FanatticmanThursday, March 10, 2011
Don't Let It Go to Your Head
Many sightings over the last few weeks of head accessories which are noteworthy. And let's exclude the Charlie Sheen "What Happens In Vegas.." hat that he must have bought in an airport, and the array of snake charmer and Michael Jackson headwear that Moammar has been styling during his recent rants. With these exclusions, I have a list of three worth commentary:
DeMaurice Smith, head NFL Union guy, has been wearing something that defies description and which screams "look at me I'm little but I am still the leader of these giant guys and they will protect me". The little dandy looks like Sammy Davis Jr. in his role in the old flick Robin and the Seven Hoods. No wonder the negotiations are so protracted - it must take a few hours for the guys around the table to stop snickering when he walks in with that hat.
Then Tom Brady, you know that Super Bowl hero quarterback from the Patriots, has been photographed with a pony tail, and then more recently with a comb across the entire width of his head, you know like my wife wears. Tommy, listen to me - YOU ARE NOT THE SUPER MODEL, it's your wife. Keep it up son and you will only be operating out of the shotgun this season - your center won't want any part of you snuggling up to his man gear on a center exchange. You'll have your locker moved to the Lance Rentzel part of the locker room before you can say Vidal Sassoon.
Finally, did you see what Rory Sabbatini had on his head during the final round of the Tournament last Sunday? This hat made him look like he Monday qualified for the Senior Lesbian Open and missed the cut. Come on Rory, wear a bucket hat like your buddy Ben Crane to protect your skin or just load up with the white stuff till you look like Casper (the ghost, not Billy). Just stay in your room rather than leave the house like that again.
BBFN - Fanatticman
DeMaurice Smith, head NFL Union guy, has been wearing something that defies description and which screams "look at me I'm little but I am still the leader of these giant guys and they will protect me". The little dandy looks like Sammy Davis Jr. in his role in the old flick Robin and the Seven Hoods. No wonder the negotiations are so protracted - it must take a few hours for the guys around the table to stop snickering when he walks in with that hat.
Then Tom Brady, you know that Super Bowl hero quarterback from the Patriots, has been photographed with a pony tail, and then more recently with a comb across the entire width of his head, you know like my wife wears. Tommy, listen to me - YOU ARE NOT THE SUPER MODEL, it's your wife. Keep it up son and you will only be operating out of the shotgun this season - your center won't want any part of you snuggling up to his man gear on a center exchange. You'll have your locker moved to the Lance Rentzel part of the locker room before you can say Vidal Sassoon.
Finally, did you see what Rory Sabbatini had on his head during the final round of the Tournament last Sunday? This hat made him look like he Monday qualified for the Senior Lesbian Open and missed the cut. Come on Rory, wear a bucket hat like your buddy Ben Crane to protect your skin or just load up with the white stuff till you look like Casper (the ghost, not Billy). Just stay in your room rather than leave the house like that again.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Less of Moore
Somebody please stick a pin in Michael Moore. I want to see this gas bag just fly up into the air and swirl around and finally disappear. Are you kidding me? How can this dirigible say what he says and have people actually applaud him?You might as well have p-p-Porky pig standing there preaching nonsense to you as this helium filled moron; well at least Moore keeps his pants on unlike his bovine cousin.
He shows up in Wisconsin and says Wisconsin and the U.S. are not broke - they have plenty of money, and the knuckleheads applaud him. Huh? These state pension systems are so broke that a little giveback is not much to ask in order to keep them solvent. They can't just print extra money like the Feds do - they actually have to balance their finances. Maybe fatso would like to ante up the 3.6 billion or so that Wisconsin needs to break even.
It's appalling that someone so ridiculous gets serious attention afforded to his comments. As long as he is near a meat packing plant there in the Heartland someone ought to put his flabby rear end in a truck and cart him over to the plant and put a big Jimmy Dean skin and wrapper on this talking sausage and be done with it. Later, I'll tell you how I really feel.
BBFN - Fanatticman
He shows up in Wisconsin and says Wisconsin and the U.S. are not broke - they have plenty of money, and the knuckleheads applaud him. Huh? These state pension systems are so broke that a little giveback is not much to ask in order to keep them solvent. They can't just print extra money like the Feds do - they actually have to balance their finances. Maybe fatso would like to ante up the 3.6 billion or so that Wisconsin needs to break even.
It's appalling that someone so ridiculous gets serious attention afforded to his comments. As long as he is near a meat packing plant there in the Heartland someone ought to put his flabby rear end in a truck and cart him over to the plant and put a big Jimmy Dean skin and wrapper on this talking sausage and be done with it. Later, I'll tell you how I really feel.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, March 7, 2011
What would Ms. Roseannadanna say?
What's all this fuss about a no fly zone? How the heck are you supposed to put your pants on without a fly? And if we are thinking about enforcing a no fly zone, who the heck is gonna do it, Brett Favre? Maybe we could get Ken Griffey since he ain't playing anymore baseball. He used to catch all the flies and used to even bang off of those walls to do it.
Then there is all of the fuss about the King's speech. Well I watch a lot of golf on TV and I am sure that I haven't heard hardly a peep out of Arnold Palmer for some time now. The King's speech this, the King's speech that, and then they give him some kind of an award for talking. Well I like Arnold Palmer too, but he hasn't said boo lately.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Then there is all of the fuss about the King's speech. Well I watch a lot of golf on TV and I am sure that I haven't heard hardly a peep out of Arnold Palmer for some time now. The King's speech this, the King's speech that, and then they give him some kind of an award for talking. Well I like Arnold Palmer too, but he hasn't said boo lately.
And all the stuff about this guy Sheen and his hoes. I didn't even know he was a farmer. And then how can a farmer keep winning? Is he entering a lot of state fairs? Is he entering his pigs or what? Now he's doing a webcast. Did he train his spiders on the farm?
Lots of fuss over nothing. Well, nevermind.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Runaways
How about the 14 state senators from Wisconsin who bolted to Illinois so they would not have to vote on a budget measure that they knew they would lose?Never, ever thought I would see something like this in America. Now in Iran, maybe, because there you could lose the ability to run for the rest of your life by casting the wrong vote, you know what I mean stumpy? But in the heartland, home of the Packers and the cheeseheads and cows and, oh yes, chickens - apparently chickens of the elected type just take off when the going gets tough.
I am sure that these folks took some kind of oath to do their jobs as state senators when they were sworn in and I'll bet they didn't get a triptik to Illinois as part of their State Senate orientation package. I guess you can call me old fashioned, but I thought they were to represent their districts and debate legislation and ultimately vote on things that are legitimately moved through the process.
Guess in Wisconsin oaths don't mean too much, because these folks are soon to have a posse set out to hunt them down and return them to their day of reckoning back home. How can they hold their heads up after this total display of political cowardice? It's ironic, to say the least, that people all over the world are out in the streets, dying for the privilege to govern themselves, while these losers are refusing to do their sworn duty in the legislative process in a sovereign state within the greatest democracy in the world.
Well I wouldn't be putting their faces on any milk cartons anytime soon. I am sure that Wisconsin would be better off without these folks in elected positions. They will probably take off to Iowa next time they don't like the food in the Capitol cafeteria.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I am sure that these folks took some kind of oath to do their jobs as state senators when they were sworn in and I'll bet they didn't get a triptik to Illinois as part of their State Senate orientation package. I guess you can call me old fashioned, but I thought they were to represent their districts and debate legislation and ultimately vote on things that are legitimately moved through the process.
Guess in Wisconsin oaths don't mean too much, because these folks are soon to have a posse set out to hunt them down and return them to their day of reckoning back home. How can they hold their heads up after this total display of political cowardice? It's ironic, to say the least, that people all over the world are out in the streets, dying for the privilege to govern themselves, while these losers are refusing to do their sworn duty in the legislative process in a sovereign state within the greatest democracy in the world.
Well I wouldn't be putting their faces on any milk cartons anytime soon. I am sure that Wisconsin would be better off without these folks in elected positions. They will probably take off to Iowa next time they don't like the food in the Capitol cafeteria.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Charlie
One thing is for certain, this guy is not related to Bishop Sheen. Holy crap, Batman, I caught a few of the lowlights of his numerous spiels as he made the rounds on the TV circuit yesterday trying to prove his sobriety and his sanity - and the verdict is, as the texters like to say "OMG". And as I like to say, where did this guy park the flying saucer?
Shouldn't there have been an early intervention years ago with him when this stuff started? How did he get to this place (wherever that is)? He makes Reverend Jim from the old Taxi TV series seem like a damn Quaker. The best writers in his industry could never have come up with the stuff that came out of his mouth yesterday.
Then there is the sad reality that in a few weeks, I'll bet he signs a contract with somebody to do something on TV once again. It's unfortunate that everyone slows down to see the aftermath of a catastrophic car crash on a highway but that's the way it is. Well we are watching one horrific car crash in the making and nobody seems willing or capable of preventing it with Charlie. I hope he has 911 on his speed dial because I don't think he will be able to dial 3 numbers when the inevitable moment arrives.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Shouldn't there have been an early intervention years ago with him when this stuff started? How did he get to this place (wherever that is)? He makes Reverend Jim from the old Taxi TV series seem like a damn Quaker. The best writers in his industry could never have come up with the stuff that came out of his mouth yesterday.
Then there is the sad reality that in a few weeks, I'll bet he signs a contract with somebody to do something on TV once again. It's unfortunate that everyone slows down to see the aftermath of a catastrophic car crash on a highway but that's the way it is. Well we are watching one horrific car crash in the making and nobody seems willing or capable of preventing it with Charlie. I hope he has 911 on his speed dial because I don't think he will be able to dial 3 numbers when the inevitable moment arrives.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Duke
A little misty today with the news that Duke Snider moved on to the perpetual Hall of Fame. When we were young grade school Beaver Cleavers with our mitt slung over our bat, gathering up all the neighborhood guys for a sandlot game, it was the Duke, and Mickey and Willie who captured our imaginations.
And as it proved out over the course of his entire life, he was a role model and a great example of how the athlete of yesteryear conducted themselves. Contrast him with today's self-absorbed, underperforming, overpaid TMZ celebrity type egojocks - no, don't; it is too depressing. Guys like the Duke don't come around too often and that is too bad for baseball fans and for our country. As the Duke was yanking them out of Ebbets Field with great regularity, our post war nation was humming along with a sound economy, job growth, a sense of fair play and hard work, and a sense of community.
No, this wasn't all because of the Duke, but it probably was because most people tried to live their lives like the Duke played baseball - with pride, commitment, perseverance, good humor and a respect for teammates and opponents.
Now we are facing public employee strikes, football lockouts, budget deficits all over the country, and a national malaise that doesn't seem to be improving. Too bad there's not a Duke to lead us out of this. Well maybe he's somewhere in the minors hoping for a cup of coffee with the big team. Let's all hope he gets invited to spring training and can stick with the club. Come on Duke, talk to the owner about this.
BBFN - Fanatticman
And as it proved out over the course of his entire life, he was a role model and a great example of how the athlete of yesteryear conducted themselves. Contrast him with today's self-absorbed, underperforming, overpaid TMZ celebrity type egojocks - no, don't; it is too depressing. Guys like the Duke don't come around too often and that is too bad for baseball fans and for our country. As the Duke was yanking them out of Ebbets Field with great regularity, our post war nation was humming along with a sound economy, job growth, a sense of fair play and hard work, and a sense of community.
No, this wasn't all because of the Duke, but it probably was because most people tried to live their lives like the Duke played baseball - with pride, commitment, perseverance, good humor and a respect for teammates and opponents.
Now we are facing public employee strikes, football lockouts, budget deficits all over the country, and a national malaise that doesn't seem to be improving. Too bad there's not a Duke to lead us out of this. Well maybe he's somewhere in the minors hoping for a cup of coffee with the big team. Let's all hope he gets invited to spring training and can stick with the club. Come on Duke, talk to the owner about this.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, February 13, 2011
i do
So the Catholic Church has approved an app which helps the contrite examine their conscience as preparation for the sacrament of Penance. And the first name they came up with for the app was "A priest in your pocket". No, I am not making this up - then apparently a monsignor chaperone must have come onto the party bus and inflicted a little adult supervision on the young seminarian who thought that was a good name and it was changed.
But it got me thinking about other potential apps for our smartphones with heavenly or divine implications:
For weddings: an app that talks you through a marriage and even asks the big question - call this the "i do" app; there could be an organ playing "here comes the bride", muffled sounds of women sobbing as you walk down the virtual aisle, and a map feature that directs you to Denny's for the reception instead of some Country Club or fancy hotel. That is what I call a smartphone.
For funerals: a menu that allows you to select from numerous eulogies depending on how really sorry you are that the departed is finally gone. For the music you can select from latin dirges to Irish drinking songs and at the graveyard you can pump up the volume and make it sound like the wailing wall, complete with the sound of shovels full of dirt hitting the casket top.
For Mass: remember the old TV mass for shut-ins, the infirm who couldn't get to the church on Sunday, well with this app you can even delete the sermon and the music and create your own drive-thru version for when you are snowed in, or you get a flat tire, or you just can't tear yourself away from the Super Bowl's 5 hour pre-game show. I think this one may become very popular.
Anyway, the cost for the confession app is $1.99. I am hoping this really becomes popular because I am sure that they could easily get $10 for a full confession once people see the potential - no lines, no embarassment and a reduced penance if you buy a 10 pack or more. This should be particularly popular around Lent.
BBFN - Fanatticman
But it got me thinking about other potential apps for our smartphones with heavenly or divine implications:
For weddings: an app that talks you through a marriage and even asks the big question - call this the "i do" app; there could be an organ playing "here comes the bride", muffled sounds of women sobbing as you walk down the virtual aisle, and a map feature that directs you to Denny's for the reception instead of some Country Club or fancy hotel. That is what I call a smartphone.
For funerals: a menu that allows you to select from numerous eulogies depending on how really sorry you are that the departed is finally gone. For the music you can select from latin dirges to Irish drinking songs and at the graveyard you can pump up the volume and make it sound like the wailing wall, complete with the sound of shovels full of dirt hitting the casket top.
For Mass: remember the old TV mass for shut-ins, the infirm who couldn't get to the church on Sunday, well with this app you can even delete the sermon and the music and create your own drive-thru version for when you are snowed in, or you get a flat tire, or you just can't tear yourself away from the Super Bowl's 5 hour pre-game show. I think this one may become very popular.
Anyway, the cost for the confession app is $1.99. I am hoping this really becomes popular because I am sure that they could easily get $10 for a full confession once people see the potential - no lines, no embarassment and a reduced penance if you buy a 10 pack or more. This should be particularly popular around Lent.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Hob Nob with a Mob?
It's too bad that Anderson Cooper got pummeled yesterday by the thugs in Cairo. But don't you have to ask yourself "What the hell did he expect?"Did he think they were carrying all of those sticks to a birthday party to hit a pinata? These correspondents think they are real cool getting in with the rabble and that because they have a microphone they are somehow immune from the danger. News Flash for journalists: ALL OF THESE PEOPLE HATE AMERICA!!
Did he think that was Peter O'Toole and his buddies riding the camels through the square? Don't journalists remember the images of these guys playing polo with the enemy's head a few years back? STAY AWAY FOOL! These extremists are not like the folks who demonstrate on the streets of DC. They don't have any rules or norms of behavior to be guided by. For God sake John Wayne wouldn't wade into that scene, so what was he trying to prove? And by the way, we really don't need to see all of the ugliness so close up and 24 hours a day. It's just confirmation of their total rejection of the rules of civilized people. And the more air time we provide for them, the longer this will last.
So come on home Anderson, and Katie and Brian and get back in your studios. Who's going to lob all of those softballs to politicos and showbiz types? Let your boy Al Jazeera cover all of the highlights in Cairo: breaking down their own storefronts, destroying their museums and artifacts, setting buildings on fire, and destroying their biggest industry of Tourism.
Did he think that was Peter O'Toole and his buddies riding the camels through the square? Don't journalists remember the images of these guys playing polo with the enemy's head a few years back? STAY AWAY FOOL! These extremists are not like the folks who demonstrate on the streets of DC. They don't have any rules or norms of behavior to be guided by. For God sake John Wayne wouldn't wade into that scene, so what was he trying to prove? And by the way, we really don't need to see all of the ugliness so close up and 24 hours a day. It's just confirmation of their total rejection of the rules of civilized people. And the more air time we provide for them, the longer this will last.
So come on home Anderson, and Katie and Brian and get back in your studios. Who's going to lob all of those softballs to politicos and showbiz types? Let your boy Al Jazeera cover all of the highlights in Cairo: breaking down their own storefronts, destroying their museums and artifacts, setting buildings on fire, and destroying their biggest industry of Tourism.
But don't worry, I'm sure the US will be in there with some kind of aid package when the dust settles. Wonder what Al will say about that? No, I think I know.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Groundhog Day
It is so stupid that it's good. All of those guys dressed up in top hats and acting super officious and reading proclamations and holding this petrified little varmint aloft like it was King Tut's favorite cat - only in America and only in a little town in Pennsylvania that I can't spell.
But you know it's very fortuitous for little Phil that he didn't see his shadow today - because if he did, Bill Murray was hiding out with one of his dynamite charges from Caddyshack ready to make him atomize like an Al Qaeda martyr.
You see we can't tolerate another 6 weeks of winter which would have been the presage with a sunny day. The poor folks in the midwest and northeast got clobbered again today with severe winter weather. And we didn't need anyone or anything, human, animal or mineral, to do or say anything which could prolong this God-awful winter.
So thank you Phil for all of your fine work today. I hope those silly men dropped a few extra field mice down in your hole today after your exhilarating performance this morning. And you'll certainly be as accurate with your prediction as the nerds using superdoppler and salivating on their Men's Wearhouse suits as they start to track the next monster storm building somewhere out in Micronesia.
BBFN - Fanatticman
But you know it's very fortuitous for little Phil that he didn't see his shadow today - because if he did, Bill Murray was hiding out with one of his dynamite charges from Caddyshack ready to make him atomize like an Al Qaeda martyr.
You see we can't tolerate another 6 weeks of winter which would have been the presage with a sunny day. The poor folks in the midwest and northeast got clobbered again today with severe winter weather. And we didn't need anyone or anything, human, animal or mineral, to do or say anything which could prolong this God-awful winter.
So thank you Phil for all of your fine work today. I hope those silly men dropped a few extra field mice down in your hole today after your exhilarating performance this morning. And you'll certainly be as accurate with your prediction as the nerds using superdoppler and salivating on their Men's Wearhouse suits as they start to track the next monster storm building somewhere out in Micronesia.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thank God for the Mute Button
I am finding that the most valuable function of the new high tech DVR laden, digital HD, large screen, 1080i, HDMI TV's is the old pedestrian mute button. Some of the junk that these channels and advertisers are putting out are audibly painful.
Note the following examples:
The GEICO ad featuring the pig squealing wee,wee, wee all the way home. Well guess what, that little open pit SOB doesn't get squeal one out of his Rosey O'Donnell looking little mouth before my mute button leaps in to save the day.
Then there is a new ad, probably only seen on the Golf Channel, for Slazenger golf balls. This features an over-the-top stereotype of a guy screaming all of these sayings exulting the big drive which his partner has just hit. Well my old buddy the mute button silences this loser before his partner starts his backswing - voila, instant asshole remediation. If only real life was that simple.
Of course these are only a few commercials that come to mind, but the ever useful button is also available for immediate intervention in the following circumstances as a failsafe: any commentary by the Donald, hip-hop music, Jimmy Carter, and of course, the shrieking Nancy Grace.
The list is much larger than this but you get the picture. Keep it handy and use it liberally. That little pig will be on again before you know it.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Note the following examples:
The GEICO ad featuring the pig squealing wee,wee, wee all the way home. Well guess what, that little open pit SOB doesn't get squeal one out of his Rosey O'Donnell looking little mouth before my mute button leaps in to save the day.
Then there is a new ad, probably only seen on the Golf Channel, for Slazenger golf balls. This features an over-the-top stereotype of a guy screaming all of these sayings exulting the big drive which his partner has just hit. Well my old buddy the mute button silences this loser before his partner starts his backswing - voila, instant asshole remediation. If only real life was that simple.
Of course these are only a few commercials that come to mind, but the ever useful button is also available for immediate intervention in the following circumstances as a failsafe: any commentary by the Donald, hip-hop music, Jimmy Carter, and of course, the shrieking Nancy Grace.
The list is much larger than this but you get the picture. Keep it handy and use it liberally. That little pig will be on again before you know it.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Power Dream
A big snow storm with wet, heavy flakes blew in last night and also blew out the power at my house. Pine trees were cracking and falling down everywhere laden with the cold, white crap that everyone says is so beautiful. It was inevitable that these trees would hit the old overhead lines that feed my early 1980's community and as it was foretold, so it would pass.
The power was out for about 11 hours and somewhere in that span I managed to collect 6-7 hours of Ambien induced sleep. And it was rather fitful sleep at that. I kept waking up wondering why the power hadn't been restored and even called the power company at 3 am to get an update on their estimate for restoration, only to receive the same automated responses that I received when I called to report the outage some 7 hours earlier. But there was a dream worth remembering with my father and mother and brother and a power outage at the house where we grew up. My brother and I had just returned from golfing(what a surprise) and my mom was a little irritated because the loss of electricity was hampering her house chores. Then appears my father, sweating and carrying a huge coil of heavy-duty electrical cord wrapped around his right shoulder. At the end of the coil was some kind of attachment with these sharp saw-like teeth on it, and as he walked in and dropped the vicious looking coil on the floor, he announced with a tone of aggravation, "Okay, it's fixed".
I had just been up for only a few minutes from my sporadic sleep with his conclusive statement fresh in my memory when the power came back on. And I thought to myself, "Thanks Dad!"
BBFN - Fanatticman
The power was out for about 11 hours and somewhere in that span I managed to collect 6-7 hours of Ambien induced sleep. And it was rather fitful sleep at that. I kept waking up wondering why the power hadn't been restored and even called the power company at 3 am to get an update on their estimate for restoration, only to receive the same automated responses that I received when I called to report the outage some 7 hours earlier. But there was a dream worth remembering with my father and mother and brother and a power outage at the house where we grew up. My brother and I had just returned from golfing(what a surprise) and my mom was a little irritated because the loss of electricity was hampering her house chores. Then appears my father, sweating and carrying a huge coil of heavy-duty electrical cord wrapped around his right shoulder. At the end of the coil was some kind of attachment with these sharp saw-like teeth on it, and as he walked in and dropped the vicious looking coil on the floor, he announced with a tone of aggravation, "Okay, it's fixed".
I had just been up for only a few minutes from my sporadic sleep with his conclusive statement fresh in my memory when the power came back on. And I thought to myself, "Thanks Dad!"
BBFN - Fanatticman
Monday, January 24, 2011
Johnny and Jay
Johnny Vegas, a big hitting rookie from Venezuela, won in his second start on the PGA Tour yesterday in a sudden death playoff at the Bob Hope Classic. On the same day Jay Cutler, of the Chicago bears, was limping off the field in the Bears loss to the Packers.
Now Vegas is an easy guy to root for with his big smile, big tee ball , and big, jovial personality. He's going to be a star and, although he struggled on the back nine, he made one pressure putt after another, including the winner and everyone at that event was thrilled for the young man.
Contrast him with taciturn Jay, who looks so disinterested and above it all, that even his own fans are having a hard time rooting for him. Where is the enthusiasm for the big game and for the sport itself? Now apparently there was a hit that damaged his MCL which caused him to withdraw from the fray quite early - but public sentiment, even from Bears fans is not with him. It's because he comes off as a punk and conveys his superior attitide and air of indifference on the field, on the sidelines and with the media.
The lesson here is to go about your sport, your job, your life with enthusiasm and joy. The world has way too many Jays and not nearly enough Johnnys.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Now Vegas is an easy guy to root for with his big smile, big tee ball , and big, jovial personality. He's going to be a star and, although he struggled on the back nine, he made one pressure putt after another, including the winner and everyone at that event was thrilled for the young man.
Contrast him with taciturn Jay, who looks so disinterested and above it all, that even his own fans are having a hard time rooting for him. Where is the enthusiasm for the big game and for the sport itself? Now apparently there was a hit that damaged his MCL which caused him to withdraw from the fray quite early - but public sentiment, even from Bears fans is not with him. It's because he comes off as a punk and conveys his superior attitide and air of indifference on the field, on the sidelines and with the media.
The lesson here is to go about your sport, your job, your life with enthusiasm and joy. The world has way too many Jays and not nearly enough Johnnys.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Friday, January 21, 2011
Paddy's not a Baddy
Poor Padraig Harrington, who just seems like one of the most honest and friendly guys in the world, was kicked out of the tournament in Abu Dhabi for the stupidest little thing. He was replacing his golf ball on the green when it was his turn to putt and he accidentally moved the ball about the length of a dimple -not the one on his face, the one on his Titleist. So instead of penalizing him a stroke this morning when he showed up, they kicked him out of the event for signing an incorrect scorecard. Hey, we need to get these officials to leave their job and come on over and work at Guantanamo. That will solve two problems at once.
These golf rules that are enforced by these officials must have been written by Goebels, the guy who got Adolf's golf shirts laid out on the bed for him each morning. I mean is it too much to ask that some of these extreme penalties be revisited for the good of the game? And how about simplifying some of these things so that freakin' Copernicus doesn't have to be called in to tell you where you can drop the ball after it goes in a hazard.
Now I love to play golf, but I have pretty much given up trying to compete, except in little club scrambles. And it's a good thing because I just don't have the temperament for these arcane rules. No one would have to DQ me for the little error that Paddy made because if anyone called me on it I would retire to the Clubhouse for a Pale Ale, and then hurry to a place of sacrifice to slaughter a groundhog while invoking the wrath of Snapfadeulus (the god of golf) upon my accuser.
So PGA and USGA and R&A, wake up and get with it - your rules are about as out of date as the old gutta percha balls that Old Tom used to whack around the pasture.
BBFN - Fanatticman
These golf rules that are enforced by these officials must have been written by Goebels, the guy who got Adolf's golf shirts laid out on the bed for him each morning. I mean is it too much to ask that some of these extreme penalties be revisited for the good of the game? And how about simplifying some of these things so that freakin' Copernicus doesn't have to be called in to tell you where you can drop the ball after it goes in a hazard.
Now I love to play golf, but I have pretty much given up trying to compete, except in little club scrambles. And it's a good thing because I just don't have the temperament for these arcane rules. No one would have to DQ me for the little error that Paddy made because if anyone called me on it I would retire to the Clubhouse for a Pale Ale, and then hurry to a place of sacrifice to slaughter a groundhog while invoking the wrath of Snapfadeulus (the god of golf) upon my accuser.
So PGA and USGA and R&A, wake up and get with it - your rules are about as out of date as the old gutta percha balls that Old Tom used to whack around the pasture.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Whatson?
So IBM has invested years and millions in developing a computer that can understand all the nuances of popular spoken English and named it Watson after IBM's founder. They are going to prove how successful they are by having it compete on Jeopardy, the game show.
Holy Art Fleming Batman, we ought to be shorting the stock as soon as possible. They are saying that it will have many profound applications in improving society as it is refined over time - yeah, like competing on Hollywood Squares for an encore?
All this money for R and D that shareholders thought was going into noble causes, environment, sustainability etc. was really being directed into seeing if this thing could breeze through the "Pop Music" category without breaking a circuit - my God, Trebek will be changing his depends before they get to Double Jeopardy.
This could really start a trend when you think about it - just imagine Honda's little robot spinning the wheel on Wheel of Fortune. And Vanna could be replaced by the Jetsons maid. Can anyone say Isaac Asimov?
BBFN - Fanatticman
Holy Art Fleming Batman, we ought to be shorting the stock as soon as possible. They are saying that it will have many profound applications in improving society as it is refined over time - yeah, like competing on Hollywood Squares for an encore?
All this money for R and D that shareholders thought was going into noble causes, environment, sustainability etc. was really being directed into seeing if this thing could breeze through the "Pop Music" category without breaking a circuit - my God, Trebek will be changing his depends before they get to Double Jeopardy.
This could really start a trend when you think about it - just imagine Honda's little robot spinning the wheel on Wheel of Fortune. And Vanna could be replaced by the Jetsons maid. Can anyone say Isaac Asimov?
BBFN - Fanatticman
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Lost in Space
I am still miffed about the decision a bunch of nerdy guys made several years ago to do away with Pluto - and I am not talking about Mickey Mouse's dog. I mean the planet, or ex-planet at this point.
You know we were all happy knowing about our little solar system and our nice little planets with familiar names. Everything was right and all these chunks of cosmic minerals knew their place. But no - not good enough for some guys - they decided that our old friend Pluto wasn't significant enough to be a planet so they delisted it. You mean that's all it takes to change the solar system as we knew it - to change something so ingrained into our society? This was intellectual snobbery and when it happened everybody just stood by and it was done with nary a whimper. Where was the outrage? Heck if this can happen what's next, changing the calendar of the Zodiac? Well don't look now but our passive acceptance of dropping Pluto from the planetary roster has led to another outrage - I used to be a Sagitarrius until 2 days ago when they made me an Ophiuchus ?? These guys have to be stopped. Next they wil be telling us that Zeus doesn't live on Mt. Olympus or that leap year was a charade.
I think I am going to organize a resistance movement to push back against all of these assaults to our time honored and well known societal conventions. And I am going to start next Garfday - no it's not a typo -it's the new day of the week they shoved in there between Wednesday and Thursday. You'll get used to it.
BBFN - Fanatticman
You know we were all happy knowing about our little solar system and our nice little planets with familiar names. Everything was right and all these chunks of cosmic minerals knew their place. But no - not good enough for some guys - they decided that our old friend Pluto wasn't significant enough to be a planet so they delisted it. You mean that's all it takes to change the solar system as we knew it - to change something so ingrained into our society? This was intellectual snobbery and when it happened everybody just stood by and it was done with nary a whimper. Where was the outrage? Heck if this can happen what's next, changing the calendar of the Zodiac? Well don't look now but our passive acceptance of dropping Pluto from the planetary roster has led to another outrage - I used to be a Sagitarrius until 2 days ago when they made me an Ophiuchus ?? These guys have to be stopped. Next they wil be telling us that Zeus doesn't live on Mt. Olympus or that leap year was a charade.
I think I am going to organize a resistance movement to push back against all of these assaults to our time honored and well known societal conventions. And I am going to start next Garfday - no it's not a typo -it's the new day of the week they shoved in there between Wednesday and Thursday. You'll get used to it.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Say What?
Have you ever stopped to think about some of the sayings we use in our everyday discourse. Since I have so little on my mind, I have thought about it and I need help trying to figure a few of them out.
How about this one: " Catch as catch can?" HUH? I guess it means do whatever you can do. But who, in God's name, is this guy catch? How can I catch as he does if I don't know what he's up to? Does he use an outfielder's glove or Under Armour gloves like a wide receiver? Who came up with this and does it make any sense?
And this one: "Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth". Well if he's a normal person he must be chewing the hell out of his butter and not waiting for the stuff to melt anyway, or else he would have a big mouthful of butter carried over for many meals. Who cares if it wouldn't melt - my butter's gone with my mashed potatoes in a heartbeat.
And " Six of one, half-dozen of another". For our math challenged brethren this is troublesome. First, they dont know how many in a dozen and secondly, they have to move to both hands to count to six - it's replete with obstacles, exceedingly wordy and awkward to say. Why not say, "five of one and four plus one of another" ? See, it's stupid. And I am saying this with butter melting in my mouth.
BBFN - Fanatticman
How about this one: " Catch as catch can?" HUH? I guess it means do whatever you can do. But who, in God's name, is this guy catch? How can I catch as he does if I don't know what he's up to? Does he use an outfielder's glove or Under Armour gloves like a wide receiver? Who came up with this and does it make any sense?
And this one: "Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth". Well if he's a normal person he must be chewing the hell out of his butter and not waiting for the stuff to melt anyway, or else he would have a big mouthful of butter carried over for many meals. Who cares if it wouldn't melt - my butter's gone with my mashed potatoes in a heartbeat.
And " Six of one, half-dozen of another". For our math challenged brethren this is troublesome. First, they dont know how many in a dozen and secondly, they have to move to both hands to count to six - it's replete with obstacles, exceedingly wordy and awkward to say. Why not say, "five of one and four plus one of another" ? See, it's stupid. And I am saying this with butter melting in my mouth.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Pre-Game Punishment
I won't comment much on the National Championship game last night between Auburn and Oregon except to say it was a let down. Yea, it was close but the teams were not at full tilt because of a 37 day break between games. Some of the young men were seniors at the end of the season and came back with PHD's to play in this game - I mean a few guys had to touch up their hair with Just for Men because their temples were turning grey waiting for the kick-off.
And if that weren't bad enough, there was a three hour pre-game show featuring some of the lamest commentary possible. Poor Lee Corso (who everybody loves) kept calling Auburn Arizona. And Desmond Howard kept calling the offense the defense and vice-versa. He clearly would not win the Heisman for sports commentary. Then there were the glib coaches, each trying to outdo each other. Having Nick Saban as an analyst for three hours is like sitting in the Atlanta airport during a blizzard.
And I hope that Auburn gets a lot of joy out of this for the next two years because they will probably be vacating the championship, as will Newton his Heisman in a few years ala Reggie Bush/USC. That is unless Cam's dad decides to sell the trophy in the interim.
BBFN - Fanatticman
And if that weren't bad enough, there was a three hour pre-game show featuring some of the lamest commentary possible. Poor Lee Corso (who everybody loves) kept calling Auburn Arizona. And Desmond Howard kept calling the offense the defense and vice-versa. He clearly would not win the Heisman for sports commentary. Then there were the glib coaches, each trying to outdo each other. Having Nick Saban as an analyst for three hours is like sitting in the Atlanta airport during a blizzard.
And I hope that Auburn gets a lot of joy out of this for the next two years because they will probably be vacating the championship, as will Newton his Heisman in a few years ala Reggie Bush/USC. That is unless Cam's dad decides to sell the trophy in the interim.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Being Seated
Last night we went to a restaurant, early in the evening, as is our custom and so the place wasn't that busy. So they take us to our table, a booth against the wall, and stick us into the only available spot left in that section. My question is: how about spreading us out a little bit instead of jamming the 20-30 patrons in there like it was the last subway car on the way to the ballgame? The rest of the place was absolutely vacant.
If they would spread you out you could talk in relative privacy so that the other people around the place wouldn't hear you making fun of them. No - they insist on jamming you in there right next to the loud kid with mashed potatoes on his face and the greatgrandmother who insists on sending every part of her meal back because it's not done right. It's almost like they are load testing the building to see if it will tip over by piling everybody up on the same side.
And they hardly ever ask you where you would like to be seated - they just make you march over there penguin style and stick you in the gap. The rest of the place is wide open, cavernous, the Ponderosa for God sake, so it defies logic, as well as the likely preference of their patrons to congeal them together like they always do. My wife thinks it's because it's easier on the wait staff that way, but heck, who is the server and who is the servee? Can't they walk an extra 10 steps once in a while?
So since this is a new year I am going to be more assertive and ask for wilderness seating when I notice that it's available. The chef has probably sneezed in my chowder already, but I don't need all the additional airborne delights that come with subway seating at dinner time.
BBFN - Fanatticman
If they would spread you out you could talk in relative privacy so that the other people around the place wouldn't hear you making fun of them. No - they insist on jamming you in there right next to the loud kid with mashed potatoes on his face and the greatgrandmother who insists on sending every part of her meal back because it's not done right. It's almost like they are load testing the building to see if it will tip over by piling everybody up on the same side.
And they hardly ever ask you where you would like to be seated - they just make you march over there penguin style and stick you in the gap. The rest of the place is wide open, cavernous, the Ponderosa for God sake, so it defies logic, as well as the likely preference of their patrons to congeal them together like they always do. My wife thinks it's because it's easier on the wait staff that way, but heck, who is the server and who is the servee? Can't they walk an extra 10 steps once in a while?
So since this is a new year I am going to be more assertive and ask for wilderness seating when I notice that it's available. The chef has probably sneezed in my chowder already, but I don't need all the additional airborne delights that come with subway seating at dinner time.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Sole Survivor
This deal with the quirky Jets footbal coach, Rex Ryan, and his wife and feet and videotape is really different. It's not only different, it's icky. Now big, affable Rex got his team into the playoffs, but you know there must be some snide remarks quietly circulating in that locker room and amidst the Jets organization. I hear the locker room attendant has been sticking some extra Dr. Scholl's in the coach's locker as a gag. And this old story about coaches staying up all night to prepare by watching "football" films has taken on a whole new meaning.
You really don't expect this out of a guy like Rex who has been around these giant, tough football players his whole adult life. You can see someone like, John Clayton perhaps, from ESPN, hanging out at the foot of a bed with a camera on his shoulder - you know, sort of fits the exterior of the guy - but big Rex, wow, just doesn't seem to go with the rest of the package. As Vince Lombardi said in that memorable quote, "What the hell's going on out there?"
But if ol' Rex can get this thing in gear during the playoffs, perhaps the media will lighten up on him. Though he will have to get his team to play like there's no toe-morrow. (sorry -it was too easy). I know all the Jets fans are hoping heel get it done. (can't help myself)
BBFN - Fanatticman
You really don't expect this out of a guy like Rex who has been around these giant, tough football players his whole adult life. You can see someone like, John Clayton perhaps, from ESPN, hanging out at the foot of a bed with a camera on his shoulder - you know, sort of fits the exterior of the guy - but big Rex, wow, just doesn't seem to go with the rest of the package. As Vince Lombardi said in that memorable quote, "What the hell's going on out there?"
But if ol' Rex can get this thing in gear during the playoffs, perhaps the media will lighten up on him. Though he will have to get his team to play like there's no toe-morrow. (sorry -it was too easy). I know all the Jets fans are hoping heel get it done. (can't help myself)
BBFN - Fanatticman
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Left Lane Blockers
Why do people insist on blocking the left lane when they, and everybody else driving on the road, would be much happier if they drove in the right lane so faster cars can pass on the left - What is so complicated about this?
I know that I am not a traffic enginer, but I am fairly certain that they started to build second lanes to accommodate increased traffic flow and to LET PEOPLE PASS ON THE LEFT!! Does it make them happy to see people with smoke coming out of their ears when they look in the rearview mirror? Do they get a perverse sense of satisfaction knowing that they can back up traffic for miles with this simple, selfish act while simultaneously turning the average mild mannered guy into Goofy, of the old Disney cartoon. You know the one where he turns into a devil with horns and a demonic demeanor when he gets behind the wheel. Well he must have been behind one of these left lane blockers - they could make a nun throw the IQ salute at them with their oblivious and inconsiderate behavior.
And with the increasing number of aggressive drivers on the road today, they maybe should fear for their lives hanging out in the fast lane. These morons don't care if they run you off the road, so why would the lane blocking crowd want to supercharge these mindless idiots by hanging out there looking for trouble? Just get over, get home safely, and practice hugging the right side of the hallway when you're walking around your home. Just get in the habit of moseying along on the right for when you get back in your car. Bumping into a few coffee tables or knocking over a vase is a lot better than being splattered against the left jersey barrier by a maniac the next time you decide to become a one man blockade.
BBFN - Fanatticman
I know that I am not a traffic enginer, but I am fairly certain that they started to build second lanes to accommodate increased traffic flow and to LET PEOPLE PASS ON THE LEFT!! Does it make them happy to see people with smoke coming out of their ears when they look in the rearview mirror? Do they get a perverse sense of satisfaction knowing that they can back up traffic for miles with this simple, selfish act while simultaneously turning the average mild mannered guy into Goofy, of the old Disney cartoon. You know the one where he turns into a devil with horns and a demonic demeanor when he gets behind the wheel. Well he must have been behind one of these left lane blockers - they could make a nun throw the IQ salute at them with their oblivious and inconsiderate behavior.
And with the increasing number of aggressive drivers on the road today, they maybe should fear for their lives hanging out in the fast lane. These morons don't care if they run you off the road, so why would the lane blocking crowd want to supercharge these mindless idiots by hanging out there looking for trouble? Just get over, get home safely, and practice hugging the right side of the hallway when you're walking around your home. Just get in the habit of moseying along on the right for when you get back in your car. Bumping into a few coffee tables or knocking over a vase is a lot better than being splattered against the left jersey barrier by a maniac the next time you decide to become a one man blockade.
BBFN - Fanatticman
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The New Year
What's ahead in 2011? My guesses follow:
Tiger gets back in the winner's circle and starts dating Miley Cyrus
Ian Poulter appears on "What Not To Wear"
Brett Favre becomes the spokesman for the Canon Rebel camera
Vladimir Putin joins the WWF
Willie and Kate begin a new reality show, " Survivor Britannia"
Joe Paterno signs a new deal through 3011
Tom Coughlin's head finally explodes when Eli throws 17 interceptions in the Giants opener
Emmit Smith gets arrested for impersonating an announcer
The Phillies lure Sandy Koufax out of retirement to be their 5th starter
Bill O'Reilly changes the name of his show from "The Factor" to the "O Dog Joint"
Tiger gets back in the winner's circle and starts dating Miley Cyrus
Ian Poulter appears on "What Not To Wear"
Brett Favre becomes the spokesman for the Canon Rebel camera
Vladimir Putin joins the WWF
Willie and Kate begin a new reality show, " Survivor Britannia"
Joe Paterno signs a new deal through 3011
Tom Coughlin's head finally explodes when Eli throws 17 interceptions in the Giants opener
Emmit Smith gets arrested for impersonating an announcer
The Phillies lure Sandy Koufax out of retirement to be their 5th starter
Bill O'Reilly changes the name of his show from "The Factor" to the "O Dog Joint"
Stephen Hawking's assertion of the existence of black holes is confirmed with the publication of the 2011 U. S. Government Budget
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